'I refuse to go on a girls' trip if we're only talking about marriage and babies.'

A couple of months ago, a group of friends and I managed to find an opening in the calendar and plan that long-awaited unicorn girls' weekend.

Once we had gotten over the shock of actually being able to lock in a getaway amongst our busy schedules, the weekend arrived, we checked in and within two seconds flat, we were poolside with a cocktail in hand.

It was just about as close to paradise as you'll get.

As we relaxed into the afternoon, conversation quickly turned to quips about our partners and firing missives about how annoying the endless stream of daycare illnesses has been lately. Those two subjects dominated the next few hours as we blew off steam. It was exactly the release we all needed.

Except, then I suddenly became incredibly aware of what we were talking about. This was because, of the four of us there, three were married and had kids. One friend in the group is single and doesn't have children.

I felt so guilty that our very specific marital and kid-related issues were dominating the conversation, I made a conscious effort to shift our focus to topics that were more inclusive of all the group members.

A recent Reddit thread ignited this very same conversation when an anonymous 27-year-old poster opened up about a decision she made in regards to an upcoming girls' weekend. The woman explained that when her bi-annual girls' trip with a group of school friends popped up in the group chat, she declined the invitation. When pressed about why she wouldn't be attending, she decided to just be honest:

"I am not going because it's a massive financial expense, for three days where we only talk about people's upcoming engagements/weddings/babies," she wrote.


"I have a lot going on, but I feel a lot of my friends do not show an interest unless I talk about someone I'm dating. I also [sic] last time listened to one of my friends talk about her breastfeeding plans, with [a] vengeance, for over an hour. She is not pregnant or trying. Truthfully it's boring, and it feels dismissive."

In the post, the woman opened up about her current personal situation and insisted that she is very happy being single, dating and is still undecided about whether or not she wants to have kids in the future. Despite this, she says that hanging out with her married-with-kids friends on a holiday feels like "a really expensive way to feel bad about myself".

The original poster also said she holds no ill-will towards her coupled-up friends, but ultimately wanted to prioritise herself instead of outlaying the cost of this weekend away.

"I made clear when telling my friends this, that I am thrilled for them all living the lives they want, but maybe it's not the weekend for me at the moment," she wrote. "Meaning it feels like the group has two distinct life stages, I'm in the minority and it focuses on one stage."

Watch: Scarlett Johansson talks about female friendships. Story continues below.

Video via Mamamia.

While her thoughts and candidness are, quite frankly, very refreshing, it seems like some of her friends didn't exactly see where she was coming from, and pushed back when hearing of her decision to dip out on the holiday.

"My friend has since told me she's really hurt I am not excited for her, or our other friends," the original poster wrote. "I responded saying I evidently was (from other actions), but I just didn't think the trip was for me.

"I do have numerous other things on, and to fit this in both in the calendar and financially is a struggle. I just want to add, for this friend specifically, I have gone on three weekends away for her wedding, and I am flying to go her baby shower — all the in the last two years. I have not asked her, nor has she wanted to fly to see me for anything in the last two years."

This Reddit post was filed under the AITA acronym (which, for the uninitiated, stands for "Am I The A**hole?') — which means you have to be ready for people to respond and give their *honest* thoughts on your story. It's the dice you roll if you choose to crowd-source opinions from strangers on the internet. But when it came to this poster's thread, the comments seemed to swing largely in her favour.

Many commended her on being honest about her feelings and said that it's okay for friendships to drift apart as a result of being at different life stages.

"Your friend asked a question, and you answered truthfully. It's not your fault that she found it offensive that you weren't interested in what she's interested in. It's just the reality of friendships: people grow and change," one person wrote.


Others said that the woman's friend was being unreasonable by feeling hurt over her decision not to attend the trip.

"Rereading her take away from your conversation, she didn't hear you," another user wrote. "She focused on you not being happy for them, versus how they are making you feel. It even sounds like you might have tried to make her feel better."

While another commenter suggested that perhaps this group of girlfriends wasn't serving the OP in the way they once did.

"I would reconsider these friendships. They seem all one way, with you giving and them taking," they wrote.

The truth is: friendships change. It is just a fact of life. We can often go through seasons with long-standing companions or we can walk away when our morals, priorities or opinions don't align anymore. And that is totally okay.

It's important to note that while we grow through these seasons, real friends will be understanding of your circumstances. I have been the single, child-free friend in my girl group, and I've now moved into a phase in my life where I'm married, with a child. Through all these life changes, I have been fortunate enough to have supportive friends who have understood what comes with each of these parts of life.

The reality is, we often gravitate towards others who are in a similar season to us — it's what connects us and makes us feel less alone in our experiences. And as for those friends in another life stage? Open and honest conversations about both what you need from each other, and how you can support each other, are key.

Feature Image: Canva.

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