This post deals with miscarriage and might be triggering for some readers.
I am about to enter the second trimester of my first pregnancy and it comes as a huge relief.
Despite wanting more than anything to fall pregnant, I really wasn’t prepared for the kind of lonely limbo I experienced in my first trimester.
Nothing is quite as disheartening as one line on a pregnancy test when you’re trying for a baby. You develop ‘line eyes’, squinting harder and harder, looking for any trace of a second line. Your mind plays tricks on you.
In October, I took my first test of the month after the dreaded two-week wait. That second line, so full of promises and dreams fulfilled didn’t appear.
We hadn’t been trying for long but I was nonetheless disheartened, imagining many more months or even years stretching on before me of negative tests. It’s a reality for many, I was well aware.
That night I peeked at my discarded negative test sitting in the bin. I scooped it up and took a closer look with my phone torch. My line eyes were activated.
“Ben, there is the faintest line. Can you see it?” I called out to my husband. He couldn’t. A hint of ‘my wife needs to calm it with these tests’ crossing his face as we stared down at it. I spent the night googling “can you get a real positive after the test has been in the bin?”.
How did you know you were pregnant? Post continues below.
The next morning I tested again and there was definitely a faint line. Even my husband could see it this time.
Tentative relief and joy. The line was faint. I remembered the YouTube videos about chemical pregnancies and fading second lines.
I tested day after day, not convinced…until the line was darker then darker again. I really was pregnant.