movies

'Rotten Tomatoes are devoid of fun.' 5 movies film critics are absolutely wrong about.

Look, it's a common assumption that film and TV critics are miserable people who delight in spoiling entertainment for us all. I mean, why else would one of them have given Paddington 2 a negative rating on Rotten Tomatoes, thus dropping the most brilliant and enjoyable movie of all time from 100 per cent certified fresh to 99?

Yet despite their joyless reputation, most of the time film critics DO get it right. But this story is not about that. It's about when they get it wrong.

Very, very wrong.

Here are 5 movies we loved that have absolutely terrible Rotten Tomatoes critics ratings.

1. Empire Records.

Empire Records. Image: Warner Bros.

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This 1995 film, about a group of young, good-looking, troubled teens who work at a record store and get up to all sorts of shenanigans, never goes out of style. Those who watch it for the first time now will find as much joy in it as those who watched it 27 years ago.

Starring Renée Zellweger, Liv Tyler, Robin Tunney, and Australia's own Anthony LaPaglia, Empire Records is what you call a "cult classic". There are so many lines that can be quoted from this film: "Happy Rex Manning Day!", "Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear", "Empire Records - open till midnight. Midnight!", "Well, Sinead O'Rebellion. Shock me, shock me, shock me with that deviant behavior", "Damn the man, save the empire!" and so on and so forth. Basically, if you're ever at a loss of what to say, just say a line from Empire Records

It might surprise you then to know that critics have given this wonderful movie a paltry 31 per cent on Rotten Tomatoes. On the other side of the coin, the Audience Score is 83 per cent.

Which goes to show that we, the people, have good taste. Damn the man indeed.

2. Double Jeopardy.

Double Jeopardy. Image: Paramount.

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I've watched this 1999 thriller so many times now that I've lost count. It's got everything I like in movies: a great protagonist, mystery, strong friendships, character arcs, tension, and of course, revenge. Sweet, sweet revenge.

Starring Ashley Judd and Tommy Lee Jones, the film is about a woman who is accused of murdering her husband and subsequently sentenced to many years in prison. She then finds out her husband is still alive - how rude! - and has hoofed it with her son and her best friend - doubly rude!

A fellow inmate, who used to be a lawyer, tells her that the law of double jeopardy means you can never be tried for the same crime twice. The inmate (criminally underrated Roma Maffia) then delivers some of the best lines in any film: "That means that when you leave here, you track him down and when you find him, you can kill him. That's right. You can walk right up to him in Times Square, put a gun to his head and pull the f**king trigger, and there's nothing anybody can do about it. Kinda makes you feel all warm and tingly all over, don't it?"

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Ah, literal chills.

The critics definitely don't agree with me on this one, giving it 28 per cent in Rotten Tomatoes. The Audience Score is a fresh 61 per cent.

3. Return to Oz.

Return to Oz. Image: Disney.

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Those of us of a certain age have cottoned on to the fact the 1980s was a golden age for kids' movies. The Goonies, Flight of the Navigator, ET, Willow, All Dogs go to Heaven (I still cry), The Little Mermaid, An American Tale (I still cry), Stand By Me (don't get me started), Short Circuit... Look, I could go on. It was just good stuff. 

1985's Return to Oz was one such film. Ostensibly a "sequel" to the camp The Wizard of Oz, the film is a darker fantasy tale involving deserts that turn you into sand, rocks which have faces and spy on you, Nome Kings, spooky masked men with wheels on their hands and feet, and a very, very, very frightening witch named Mombi who has a penchant for stealing people's heads.

Watch the trailer for Return to Oz. Story continues below.


Video via Walt Disney.

There's no singing in this version of Oz, but Dorothy is as brave as ever, and her sidekicks are better than the original. This time, she has a talking chicken called Billina, a stocky mechanical man named Tik Tok (before it became a social media platform), and Jack Pumpkinhead to help her on her quest.

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Return to Oz is my favourite childhood movie, so I declare that the critics who gave the film its "green splat" 54 per cent rating on Rotten Tomatoes are devoid of fun. They are pooh-pooh heads. So there.

The Audience Score is a fresh 71 per cent, by the way.

4. The First Wives Club.

First Wives Club. Image: Paramount.

If you don't come out of this movie singing, "I'm young and I love to be young, I'm free and I love to be free, to live my life the way I want, to say and do whatever I please!" then you're a monster.

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Bette Midler, Diane Keaton, and Goldie Hawn star in this 1996 comedy about women who have been left by their husbands for other women. They are women scorned, but by god are they going to do something about it.

There's so much to love about this film, which, at its core, is about friendship. Female friendship. It's about believing in yourself and supporting one another and almost getting killed while traipsing down the cliff-side of a building in an effort to not get caught by your ex-husband.

It's also about revenge. Sweet, sweet revenge.

Hmm. I may have some unresolved issues about revenge.

Anyway, this fabulous film was given a dismal green splat score of 50 per cent on Rotten Tomatoes, compared to a much nicer 68 per cent Audience Score.

5. Beaches.

Beaches. Image: Buena Vista.

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Another Bette Midler classic, Beaches is perennially made fun of as a "chick flick". And so what? I can put my hand up and honestly say that Yes, I love Beaches, and not in an ironic, cool way. I love it for the soppy, sappy, splendid mess that it is.

Starring Midler and Barbara Hershey, this 1988 weeper is about two women who meet "under the boardwalk, down by the sea" as little girls - and keep in touch via letters until they're adults. It's heartwarming and lovely, and sometimes painful. Again, this is about the power of female friendships and the wonderful feeling of having a friend who is the wind beneath your wings.

Of course, all this sappiness was too much for the average film critic, who gave it 43 per cent on Rotten Tomatoes. Audience score is a nice and juicy red tomato of 88 per cent.

You'll always be the wind beneath our wings, Beaches.

Feature Image: Paramount/Buena Vista.

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