real life

"I just found out I've been feeding ducks all wrong and I just might be a serial killer."

There’s no other way to put this besides to just to come right out and say it: I need to confess to a crime. A very serious crime.

You see, I’m a murderer. Of many. Some would say that I should be labelled a serial killer. And at this point in my confession, I’d say those people are probably right.

In my defence, I never realised how much of crime-spree I was on until I was scrolling through my Facebook feed last night.

That’s when I saw it.

I saw the post that told me everything I knew about myself was wrong, that I’d been killing hundreds, maybe even thousands.

Yes, I’ve been feeding bread to ducks…and apparently you’re not supposed to do that.


A post, which has now been shared thousands of times, is currently doing the rounds on social media explaining that carbs and ducks simply do not mix.

"Bread makes us ill," a sign, which speaks on behalf of all the pond-dwelling birds, reads.

"It does not contain the right nutrition or calories that we need to keep us warm in winter."

The sign that forever changed my life. Image via Facebook.

Apparently, bread also pollutes the water, killing fish and giving Jemima Puddleduck and her friends diseases.

I am...a terrible person. Forgive me, sweet ducklings that I only wanted to shower with love in the form of processed carbohydrates.


Luckily (or, actually, probably really unluckily for the ducks of the world), I'm not alone.

Turns out many other people have woken up this morning and realised they are murderers just like me and their happy childhood memories of feeding ducks are now forever tainted.



My murder spree ends now. As of today, no more (accidental) duck slaughter.

From now on, you can find me in the park, quietly sobbing and whispering "I'm so very sorry" as I throw handfuls of half cut seedless grapes, bird seed, cooked rice and lettuce (which are all things they can eat and NOT die, the Internet says) at every duck that crosses my path.