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FBoy Island has haunted me for the past week.
I'd be going about my life – doing the dishes, ordering a coffee, doom-scrolling before bed – and the thought would appear, for the 2000th time: "God, I can't wait to find out who the FBoys are."
It was a cliffhanger for the ages.
AND GOD I AM EXCITED ABOUT THIS EPISODE.
We launch straight into it, because Caleb has already s**t his pants in anticipation of being outed as a FBoy.
It's especially funny because darling, we knew.
Ziara yells at him and it is wonderful.
In a piece to camera, he recounts getting absolutely scorched – and shoutout to the post-production team, because the smoke coming off him as he talks about having "charcoal marks on [his] arsehole" is pure TV magic.
Justin is next and HE IS A NICE GUY????
I am genuinely shook.
Turns out the Draco Malfoy hairstyle duped ALL OF US.
I am relieved to learn that Izaya is a Nice Guy, and Benny is ALSO a Nice Guy, bruv.
Thirty-something-year-old Cory reveals himself as a Nice Guy too and this one also shook me. OKAY, THEN WHAT IS YOUR REAL AGE, NICE GUY CORY?