If you own a dog, you’ll know that deep down, your home isn’t really yours.
It’s… theirs.
Yes, you might pay the rent.
Yes, you might do all the cleaning and/or cooking and/or buying of everything that makes their existence possible.
But they make the rules, and we follow them.
When Reddit user dlordjr asked 'What rule has your pet insinuated in your house that you now follow?' almost 2,000 people responded. Because obviously.
Here are the best responses from Reddit, as well as ones from the Mamamia office:
"We have a rule where you have to sit on the couch gently or Buddy will bite you."
"When I was a kid, my dog slept in the middle of my bed and I slept on the trundle. For four years."
Watch: Dogs being absurdly rich on Instagram. Post continues.
"My boyfriend and I have to pretty much shut up after 9pm or else my dog (who is trying to sleep) will groan really loud. We could be mid conversation or laughing and she will do it really loud."
"If my dog stands in front of you looks back and puts her butt near you you must smack the booty."
"My dog used to jump in her bed when it was time to sleep. It was also a sign that it was time for us to sleep or else she’d pace restlessly."
"No strangers, please. They're dangerous and my dog doesn't like them."
"Daisy has to eat off a plate for dinner and out of a tupperware container for breakfast - if you break the rules you have to hand feed her."
"My girlfriend's dog has to be let out in the morning to do a wee, and then again 45 minutes later to do a poo. She is incapable of doing them at the same time."
"One time I made scrambled eggs and I gave my dog a quarter of an egg worth of it. Now every time I make scrambled eggs my dog just assumes he's getting some and guilts me if I don't. And I usually give in."
"He's allowed in any bed when the washing machine is on because it's alive. Obviously."
LISTEN: We discuss when dogs became equal to humans. And whether that's... messed up or not. Post continues.
"He doesn't like surfboards he has never seen before. So when I take him to the beach I have to keep him on a lead until we're in the water."
"Daisy doesn't like it when I pat other dogs in front of her. She pushes them out of the way and stands on me 'coz I'm her territory."
"Daisy also hates vacuum cleaners and heaters because they're also alive. I call the heater 'the breathing machine' because she just won't go near it."
"We know not to open or drink bottles of beer in front of Bernie. He doesn't like them and we respect that."
"We’re not allowed to say the word “walk” out loud in our house because our dogs go crazy. we have to spell it out like 'I’m going for a w-a-l-k'."
"No hats or sunglasses inside, because Bella will bite. Bella doesn't like men in hats."
"When we go to the park, Caesar needs to go for a swim in the little beach. If we try to have a shorter walk, he runs there, and refuses to leave until we've let him swim."
There have, of course, been dogs as of late who have found Internet fame for the rules they have implemented in their own home.
For example, this is Sunny.
He has a best friend.
Who is a brick.
my dog’s best friend is a brick pic.twitter.com/AcWZM4JvZJ
— ariana (@itsthymee) May 30, 2018
His brick goes everywhere with him and them the rules.
Then there's Charlie, a blind Golden Retriever who has a four-month-old guide puppy named Maverick.
This is Charlie and Maverick. Charlie had his eyes removed due to glaucoma, but then Maverick came along as his little helper. Now they’re doing amazing. Both 14/10 pic.twitter.com/qjkhYLihEO
— WeRateDogs™ (@dog_rates) March 18, 2019
They are together always and Maverick walks Charlie on a leash do you understand?
There is nothing more pure in this world than dogs and their rules.
Share the best rules your dog has below.
Top Comments
Rafa's rules for harmonious living:
1. If you are on the couch, he may at any point come and look at you. This is the signal to get up because he wants to sit on the couch (yes guests abide by this rule if they are true friends).
2. Any cheese must be shared.
3. You must allow the dog to walk through your legs several times in greeting, this is a sign you are accepted.
4. When going for a walk, we must always stop at his favourite cafe where they give him a piece of fritz. He will drag you across the road if you try to skip it.
Rule one: no one puts on walking shoes until we are ALL READY TO LEAVE THE HOUSE. Otherwise the black and white dog hyperventilates to the point where she may explode.
Rule two: all beanbags in the house belong to the red dog, and thus must be on the floor. If they are not on the floor he will stand and stare at them, then come and collect you to put them on the floor for him. it does not matter of there are already two on the floor - ALL beanbags must be on the floor.