sex

“I injured my vagina at spin class."

Image: iStock. 

“I once injured my vagina at Spin class. I don’t know, maybe my seat was too high, but there was bruising and I couldn’t walk properly for days.” – Jo. 

The gym is a dangerous place. With all the sweat, bacteria, complicated equipment and intimidatingly buff staff, it’s no wonder we have a few embarrassing workout stories to tell.

In fact, just this week two of my colleagues suffered mortifying fitness injuries while coming out of a downward dog and trying to prove themselves against a younger netball team.

This is Liza (below). She dislocated her shoulder at a yoga class. This is her story.

Liza on the gas in the emergency department.

Liza writes: “After two weeks of hot Yoga classes I decided to try a Yin class. Reinvention, relaxation, etc, etc. So there I was with my knees half up in the air in an odd combination of downward dog and child’s pose. I could feel the stretch – but the instructor suggested that we try and prop our front halves up. So I turned quickly to my left to grab a bolster – and out came my shoulder.

Yes. I dislocated my shoulder in a relaxation class with cushions.

Fast forward two hours and the ambulance arrived. Then I was taken to emergency. Because everyone knows that yoga is an extreme sport. After four hours in the Emergency Department at St Vincent’s Hospital they finally put my shoulder back in. And I'm never doing yoga again.” 

Related: “The workout so hard, I literally fell over”

Who knew yoga was so dangerous? But if you thought a dislocated shoulder was bad, how about injuring your bum during a netball match? A netball match playing against 13-year-olds? Awkward. Here is Freya's story.

Freya (second from left) with the other members of the Mamamia Netball team.

Freya writes: “I was playing netball last Wednesday. We were playing against a 13-year old rep team. Which was great because they were all my height. Not so great: they all had the energy of an Energizer Bunny. But I was killing it – bouncing around like the obvious netball pro I am, chasing after the miniature Liz Ellis'. 

The ball went up, the intercept was mine for the taking. I could taste the glory. Then I went down. Shooting pain, from my right buttock all the way down the back of my hamstring. 

I couldn't run for the rest of the game. I just hobbled around, clutching my bum – weirding out the kids.  At every break I had to do these awkward stretch things that meant I was getting very intimate with the bitumen. 

For the rest of the week I was walking weird, everything hurt: sitting down, going to the toilet, climbing stairs. And when anyone said "why are you walking funny?" – oh, I did something to my bum when playing netball against CHILDREN.

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...Oh, AND WE LOST.” 

Related: Sore for days after a workout? Here’s how to avoid that

I’d like to say I feel sorry for Liza and Freya (okay, I do, the emergency ward is pretty bad), but I’m just more relived that I’m not the only highly-uncoordinated person in the office.

I was recalling my own tales of embarrassing injuries: passing out during a yoga class and walking into a pole, pulling a hamstring in the first week of training for a half marathon, when a colleague reminded me of the time I fell down in the street after trying a Reformer Pilates class.

Oh yes, that.

My scabbed up knee (after I bought a new skirt and shoes).

My legs had taken on that half stiff half jellied sensation you get 24 hours after a hardcore training session. I was walking down one of Sydney’s busiest streets in the morning peak hour when my legs went out from underneath me. I fell and landed on my knees in the middle of the pavement. No one helped me up. I just scrambled to get out of the foot traffic and not cry. I was not only bleeding at the knee but I ripped my pants and broke my shoes. Oddly enough, it still hasn't turned me off Physicore.

I polled some of the other women in the office, and turns out almost everyone had a mortifying fitness injury tale to tell. Especially Jo, I think Jo takes out the top prize for hers.

“I once injured my vagina at spin class. I don’t know, maybe my seat was too high, but there was bruising and I couldn’t walk properly for days.” – Jo.

“I once threw up at boxing class. I returned and carried on with the class, and then when it ended I hit the bathroom again. I am definitely not Million Dollar Baby.” – Kahla.

“The first time I did Pilates, I couldn’t walk down the stairs at the gym properly and slid all the way down on my bum. In front of the whole class. I never went back.” – Joanne.

“I strained my calf the other day when I attempted one of those seven-minute workouts you get on apps. Like, I got three minutes in and then couldn't do anymore.” – Bern.

“I got bruises from pole dancing classes. Bruises where you do not want to have bruises.” – Lexi.

Over to you, spill your embarrassing fitness injuries in the comments below.