My car is not a democracy.
I want you to be safe and comfortable, certainly. But at the end of the day and at the beginning of it and throughout the middle, it’s a dictatorship and I am the dictator.
In my car, I make the rules – all of them. They may not be fair or even consistent, but unlike home or school or even this wonderful country in which we live, the person at the wheel rules – with absolute power.
Just as an FYI, you should know that this post is sponsored by
Nissan X-TRAIL. But all opinions expressed by the author are 100 per cent authentic and written in their own words.
The laws of my car include (but are not limited to):
1) The radio station will be chosen by me. Even if you are big enough to sit in the front seat and know how to operate the controls, the radio and associated bells and whistles are out of bounds. Diana Ross’s Greatest Hits might make you feel carsick and the very idea I could sing along to ‘Chain Reaction’ while we’re giving your friend Lucy a lift to hockey might be beyond abhorrent, but that’s life. I’m building your resilience.
2) I reserve the right to drive past Drive Thrus. Unless it has been more than 48 hours since you ate food of any kind, you are not starving. You may be peckish, hungry or bored but I won’t give into your pleas (unless of course, I fancy a sneaky cheesy – never make the mistake of thinking there’s one set of rules).
3) The windows, air conditioning and other climate control devices are, like the radio, to be operated be the driver (me) alone. If you have hot feet you may not direct every fan in the vehicle towards said feet.
4) If I am driving somewhere to a party, sporting fixture or playdate that has NOTHING IN IT FOR ME, any complaints about how long the drive is taking will result in an abrupt detour to the nearest coffee shop.
5) Kicking the back of my seat will result in Diana Ross’s ‘Chain Reaction’ being played in an endless loop.
6) When we arrive at our destination, all passengers will take ALL THEIR CRAP with them. It is a family car not a storage facility.
7) The dog is welcome in the car as long as he is not wet/eating a chicken wing/molting.
8) I shall decide who rides in the front seat. It will be the best behaved person – not the first to yell ‘shotgun’.
9) On the occasions I permit food to be consumed in the car, I will determine what that food will be. Do not ask for ice cream, fairy floss, slushies, milkshakes or fried anything. Rice crackers and bread sticks may be permissible but again this is at my discretion.
10) Driving tips from a 13-year-old will result in more Diana Ross.
11) Fighting amongst passengers will not be tolerated and although I will (probably) not leave you by the side of the road, I will threaten until you are praying for more Diana Ross.
If these rules seem overbearing, I’m sorry (but not very), but there are so few things in our lives I can control and the car is one of them.
Before you know it, you’ll be get licences and cars and you too will be a driving dictator (except of course when I’m in the car with you).
What are the rules in your car?
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– Around View Monitor
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– Satellite Navigation
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