A comprehensive list of all the things I can’t achieve without coffee.

Gloria Jean's Coffees
Thanks to our brand partner, Gloria Jean's Coffees

Ah, coffee.

How I love you. How I need you.

You give me strength. Once I have my hands wrapped around a warm cup of you, and breathe in your aroma, and take that first sip, I start to feel ready to face the day. Which is lucky, because I have a lot to face.

Here are the kind of tasks I can only get through after I’ve had my first coffee of the day.

I’m sure most of you will relate…

Asking my children to get out of bed.

Telling my children to get out of bed.

Dragging my children out of bed.

Making toast for my children.

Dealing with tears because I cut my son’s toast into four squares instead of five.

Feeding toast to dogs, who are equally unimpressed.

Convincing my son he’s old enough to go to the toilet by himself.

Cleaning the wee off the toilet floor.

Resolving a dispute arising from one child breathing on the other one.

Explaining that in this house, we do not hurt/pinch/maim each other.

Taking a load of laundry out of the washing machine.

Not screaming when I realise I forgot to check the pockets for tissues.

Making lunch for my children, including carefully chopped fruit.

Trying to explain to my daughter why she can’t just have a packet of chips for lunch (although, admittedly, it would make my life easier).

Helping my son prepare a talk on “my favourite person”, which he only remembered about this morning and must be presented today.

Not feeling offended when he chooses someone other than me as his “favourite person”.

Finding exactly $23.50 for my daughter’s school excursion.

Finding my son’s left shoe (under the couch).

Finding my son’s right shoe (under the toy firetruck).

Convincing my son he’s old enough to put on his own shoes.

Taking off my son’s shoes and putting them on the correct feet.


Driving my children to school.

Remembering, 100 metres down the road, that it’s casual day and the theme is “crazy”. Not going crazy.

Driving my crazily-dressed children to school.

Finding a park near the school.

Not screaming when someone drives forward into that park, just as I was about to reverse into it.

Finding a park that is almost as far away from the school as my house.

Dropping off my children and heading for work, picking up a coffee from a drive-through (that bit’s easy).

Crawling along, except for one stretch where the road is empty, then discovering there is a speed camera on that stretch of road.

Not instructing drivers around me, very loudly, on the correct use of indicators.

Getting to work and not screaming when my child-free younger colleague moans about being “so tired” because she was out partying last night and only tumbled out of bed at 8am.

Having issues with my computer.

Having issues with my IT department.

Finally accessing my emails to find one from the boss that begins, “Firstly, I’d like to thank you all for your hard work this year. Unfortunately…”

Not unfriending someone on Facebook for posting a photo of a cocktail on a sandy beach and captioning it, “My view! Tough life, huh?”

Now – some good news for lovers of great coffee and fashion (so, everyone, right?). Spend $10 or more at Gloria Jean’s Coffees throughout October (try the banana bread – trust me) and receive a $20 voucher to spend at The Iconic (on all orders above $99 using The Iconic App). Plus, if you join Gloria Jean’s Coffees eSipper loyalty program, you’ll be in with a chance to win one of two $1000 spending sprees at The Iconic and a free small classic coffee daily for a year!

That makes the morning rush bearable, no?

What can you simply not achieve without coffee?

To round it off, how about some of our fav coffee memes?

Want more? Try these:

Describe your morning coffee in just three words.

Please. Stop shaming my instant coffee.