Meshel Laurie
by MESHEL LAURIE
Oh hi everyone.
Just popping by Mamamia to ask for the contact details of one of those agencies where you drop your three-year-old off and pick it up when it’s toilet trained. I just can’t seem to find one in my area, and I’m obviously not searching the App store properly either because nothing there seems to fit.
As it is, I’m reduced to begging my twins to sit on potties on the lounge room floor, while I enact scenes from their favorite books and promise a lolly to anyone who can conjure a caca. I tried one of those little seats that sits over the normal toilet seat, but my daughter screamed as though she suspected an imminent crocodile attack from below at which point even I realized I was setting us back if I persevered.
I’m sure David Hughes won’t mind my telling you that his three year old son happily uses the toilet for standing wees but refuses to sit on it for poos explaining that to do so would would be “too dangerous.” As my daughter appeared to agree with young Master Hughes, I bought a couple of potties and set up a comfortable little nest in the lounge.
They are not really into it. “Let’s sit on the potty,” I said cheerfully, “and we’ll play the Elmo game on the iPad and see if we can do a wee wee!” My daughter looked up at me sympathetically and shaking her head slowly, said ever so gently, “No way mum.”
That’s hard to come back from, and makes me wonder (or hope) maybe they’re not ready yet, and I should consider (or could possibly get away with) putting it off for a little while longer. Dr Google is very clear about one thing, that is the importance of the readiness of the child. Unfortunately Dr Google splits into a million opinions about when that readiness might occur and how best to judge.
This is not happening for Meshel’s children.
I swear two years ago, everything I read about toilet training said to wait until kids were at least 2 and a half because they couldn’t control their little wee wee mechanisms until then. Now my twins are almost three, everything I read says you’d be mad to wait until peak tantrum throwing time to teach them anything! Women online are declaring they toilet trained 4 month olds!!!
When I had four month old twins I could barely remember to go myself, let alone “learn to read their facial expressions” and then wave them over the bowl until the magic happened. I thought for sure I should wait until they could walk, so they could get themselves to the potty.
Then I thought I should wait until they could speak, so they could say they needed to go. Well it was winter then, so it seemed sensible to wait until the weather warmed so we wouldn’t have so many clothes in our way. Well now the nappies are getting in our way and I know they have to go, but how?
Friends and relatives are not that helpful either to be honest. My mother keeps telling me about the eight months of hell it took to toilet train my brother which makes me want to give up before we even begin, and friends who tell me about their children asking to be toilet trained convince me I’ve failed at a great many parenting points already.
I’m trying to remain calm and relaxed about it all but without a single tinkle hitting the potty yet, kids with cabin fever because I won’t leave the proximity of the potty nest, and about 1200 pairs of tiny wet underpants to wash and dry today, it’s hard to resist strapping some nappies on and pretending this never happened.
I can’t help catastrophising, (my new favorite word) and seeing myself in a couple of years being one of those mums we read about in the paper who drop their kids off at primary school in nappies. Then they’ll be known as “the nappy twins” throughout their whole school careers, and no one will want to hold their hands in line or be their partners in bush dancing, and they’ll become sad shut-ins who troll celebrities online…… Aaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
Help me Mamamia community, PLEASE!
Meshel Laurie is a comedian and broadcaster. You can catch up with her on Nova’s Drive Show with Tim Blackwell and Marty Sheargold 4-6pm on weekdays.
Comments
123 Comments so far
Toilet training 3 yr old male.
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My son who is now 15 was soooo difficult to toilet train. He was terrified of doing a poo in the toilet and would get to the point of pain before insisting on a nappy to poo in. Finally we took him to Poo School, run by an OT. He came home, did a poo in the toilet, and all was good. He was 3 1/2 by then. Hang in there, Meshel, it will happen!
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I love this article as we’re struggling with this too right now. Son #1 was done before 3, and was really easy. Whole thing took about 2 weeks for wee and about 2 months for poo.
Son #2 though is another story. He’s 3 years 3 months and very resistant. He can wee on command, but is seemingly really struggling to learn to identify when he needs to go. We made a really concerted effort a few weeks ago, which failed. So we gave it a rest. Right now we’re going with the “if he asks for undies he can wear them” model. The frustrating thing is that he is pretty much toilet trained at child care, but is not good at home
We’re trying not to stress and hoping it might be easier to toilet train him in summer when he can be outside more.
Good luck everyone!
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My son has just turned two and while we are still in the middle of toilet training, I have to say I am really grateful to have a kid that so far has been a breeze. He has mastered (the art of?) doing a wee on the toilet but has so far only managed one fluke poo.
We started getting him on a hid seat on the toilet as soon as he could walk. No pressure, just doing this as part of his bedtime routine. We just started having the toilet, teeth and bed routine, and while at the start he didnt always do anything on the loo, he got used to spending two or minutes on it and it just came.
We are being pretty relaxed about it, we know it wont be long til he does the number twos!
Oh I forgot to say that when he does use the loo, he gets a train sticker on the board on out fridge and if he fills a weeks worth of lines (this board includes things like pack up my toys and being nice) he gets a treat at the toyshop.
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My four year old took forever!
She puts a lot of pressure on herself. Watch them for signs of a poo them put them on a the last minute so they can’t hold it. When it’s done once and a big deal is made out of it, they put that in their memory banks to try to do it again later. This may be a while before hey have the confidence. It just helps when they know what it feels like to do it once. It’s all about when they’re ready to step out of their comfort zone. Some kids are always more confident than others and take to it quicker. Take the pressure off yourself. They’ll get there.
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See if you can get them spending time with some slightly older kids who do use the toilet, nothing like peer pressure
that’s what we did , worked a treat.
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We used the 3 day potty training ebook and while it was very demanding and tiring, it worked brilliantly with our very resistant son. The approach just makes sense and is very positive. We found to our complete surprise that he trained himself overnight and after a few weeks of dry night nappies and not one bed wetting, he was done and dusted. A few accidents happen here and there during the day but mostly, he’s completely trained. I’m sure part of it was him being ready too. Good luck.
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What was the name of the e-book?
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Cadbury choc buttons… The large ones. Lil man was just there and hadn’t had choc up to that point. One button for a wee andtwofor a a pooh. It worked because he was ready and it was bribery in it’s purest form. Lol good luck x
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I laughed so much at this. I know exactly where you are at. I have 3 yo boy/girl twins and have gone through the same thing. I found that they needed to want to do it themselves otherwise it was an uphill battle. I am beginning to see the light now – just have one who is terrified of pooing on the toilet. I have even cut holes in the back if the nappy to see if he will sit on the toilet with the nappy on and gain some confidence when it goes into the bowl by surprised – disappointingly he is not to be fooled by this. He got one in tonight (only because it was coming and there was no stopping it). There was a massive celebration by the whole family. We had bribed him saying that Buzz Lightyear would come to visit if he pooed in the toilet and so we produced the talking Buzz doll I had thankfully received from a friend earlier in the week. Hope it continues tomorrow or Buzz may have to depart!
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I had one who took 2 years to train (pooing in a nappy till she was 4) and then one who trained herself. Yet to see what will happen with number three. My family daycare mum says that in her experience you should wait until they are three, otherwise you are just training yourself not the kid. (She has 3 grown up children and been doing daycare for 25 years). I think the kid ultimately decides, however much we worry.
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We are currently training our 2.5 year old boy – helps a lot if they see mummy and daddy doing caca! Commen conversation at our houses lately me: mummy is going to do a poor darling would you like to come? Him: oh yes
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That is hilarious!
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I successfully trained my daughter in about four days. Wow that sounded conceited but I was suprised how well it went. She was 2 and 10 months. Firstly, I bought a potty that played music when she ‘went’ and had a toilet paper holder so she could wipe on her own. This was a huge hit.
Secondly I had made a chart that she put stickers on (one sticker for wee and two stickers for poo) and when she successfully got 10 stickers in a row she got to drawer a prize out of the lucky dip bag I made up. I just went to the toy shop and bought 20 x $2 toys that I wrapped in news paper and put in a sack. She earned a toy approximately every second day. Once she emptied the sack of toys I did one more larger prize ($10 toy) to signify the end of the rewards and congratulations for becoming a big girl. By this stage it was now a habit she was used to and we haven’t looked back. For the first couple of days it was just nappy free at home and then by day four we were nappy free even when we left the house. She is 3 and a half now and only wears a nappy at bedtime time. She has only had one accident out and about and it was when she was sleeping in the car.
It did help that my daughter takes instruction well. I understand a lot of my success probably came down to her personality but I find anytime a toy is on offer you usually get a result. Fingers crossed I have the same success with my second child.
Hope this helps.
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Bush dancing! Lol. That comment brought back memories. We never wanted to dance with a boy in our class because his hands were covered in warts. Oh how mean
Sorry cant offer any tips as my twins are only 4.5 months. But thanks for reminding me about bush dancing
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This was me many years ago. I didn’t think my son would ever learn and then when he did, I had another baby and he reverted. I became my obsession and I felt like a total failure. He is now 18 and I have 4 kids in total, all able to use a toilet. All I can say from my experiences is ” you cannot toilet train your kids” . Relax, they will do it when try are ready. Have all the paraphernalia , remind them and eventually it will happen.
And whatever you do, DO NOT show your kids that you are emotionally invested in it.
Oh one more thing, don’t read books or listen to people that say you can toilet train in a weekend. It’s bullshit and will make you feel like shit too. ( one daughter did do this, but it had stuff all to do with me or any stupid book).
Relax, love them, enjoy them and enjoy them at this age. They will not go to school in nappies.
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Well said GEMS, I have three, our eldest boy trained himself at just over 2 (he also stopped wetting at night at the same time – amazed us!). Our daughter took a little longer, when she started going into the bathroom to wet her nappy at around 2 3/4 we started putting her on a potty next to the toilet. We still used nappies in between for a week or so just in case and still used night nappies for quite a while after that. She took a couple of weeks I suppose but still had the odd accident for a little while. Our youngest is 18 months so I’m interested to see which way he goes (hopefully takes after his brother). Ultimately they will do it when they’re ready, unfortunately unless they tell you that they are, it’s not always easy to know when that is
As GEMS says, ignore the books and all of the ‘helpful’ advice and just enjoy them, it will happen soon enough.
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For a while, I seriously contemplated going into business as a toilet trainer. I know heaps of parents that would pay for the service, and toilet training my son wasn’t too difficult.
But then I realised that this was pure luck and no real link to my parenting. We’ll see how I go with my daughter (currently three months).
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Um, just wanted to say that we all get there eventually – ever heard of an untoilet trained adult??
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How timely as I am going through the exact same thing with Master 3 and 1 month, actually right now next to me he is standing chatting away and farting simultaneously, so I’m asking if he needs to do a poo, but no he says later mummy, I know what later means…..till the night nappy goes on and within 30 seconds he’s pooing like a champion, god knows how he holds for so long. Wee’s are going well haven’t had an accident for a few days now, yippee, which reminds me does anyone know how to get the smell of urine out of a lounge chair? I’ve tried water, baby wipes, bicarb then vacuuming it, but nothing seems to work I can still smell it.
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Water down some Bio Zet laundry detergent in a spray bottle, 3-4 sprays and then a quick press from some paper towel should do the trick!! if all else fails white vinegar diluted and patted on with paper towel
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Try dettol and water in a spray bottle. It worked on the carpet in my son’s room, I couldn’t stand it!
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Another little thing to try is let them choose undies at the shops and make a big deal about wearing them. My twin girl was a bit faster on the uptake than her brother but both done more or less by about 3 years and a couple of months. We put them in undies and dealt with the mess, but did it in summer for the obvious reasons.
Do you have boys or girls .. sorry didn’t spot that .. if its boys the potty should have one of those little doodle guard things so that they need worry less about the direction of their boy bits and concentrate on the weeing.
Good luck .. I’ve done 3 now, and once it “clicks” you’ll know and there is no looking back save the understandable accidents.
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I swear by the lupi lu it’s an adults and kids looker seat in one, just google lupi lu. It was terrific for my son who was the trained in three days kid that you thought was an urban myth. My daughter on the other hand, that was a nightmare year, still the odd accident so I feel your pain. Lupi Lu works best with a little step, but much easier than tripping over a potty and have a library of books next to the toilet.
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Yes! We love the Lupi Lu.
You can get them at Bubs, Meshel.
http://www.bubs.com.au/brand/Lupi%20Lu-183.aspx
While it won’t toilet train them, it is stable and far less scary than sitting on the adult seat.
My kid is still very much ‘in training’ too.
Good luck
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when my kids were small i bought a potty that had a “flush” button that would play a song when pressed…………no wees or poo’s no song
When the song did play we yelled and screamed and laughed and made a really big deal of it.
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I am surprised that people are starting to toilet train later when our kids were young my mum told me when they are walking then its time to toilet train needless to say training started just over 1 year old and by the time they were 2 they were fully trained it was easy but of course someone will tell you I was wrong to do that I don’t know how my happy well adjusted children survived !
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So what happens I need advice when my child was cruising along nicely with toileting, using both potty and toilet, until the day Plop Plop went splash!! She wont wear undies, and pull ups make her too comfy. Infact they are disastrous with toileting that I put them completely out of her reach.
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When I did my twins I started by sitting them on potties in bathroom before bath time while water was running. Then rewarded them when something happened and took it from there. Potties are better with twins as you’ll find they always will want to go at the same time. Maybe give your two a break and start again when they’re more interested.
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I did this with my now 12yo son, to this day he goes to the toilet for #2′s but naked and he sings the whole time
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We’ve just ‘done it’ last week with my 2years 10 month old boy.
A combination of the 3 day potty training guide ebook (find it online) and a brilliant kit on pottytraining.com.au worked for us.
Good luck!
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That magic place you’re looking for is called childcare! They have a big incentive to get the children toilet trained and having lots of other kids around doing it which i think really helps. And the mini size toilets are very cute
I did the bad thing and used chocolate as an incentive which I think they advise against, but it worked. Actually a little too well because she learnt to do half a wee, collect her loot and then go back for second reward! After a few weeks of getting into a routine of using the toilet she stopped asking for chocolate as a reward and was more than happy with a bit of praise instead.
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I asked my almost 3 year old if he wanted to be a big boy and start using the toilet…. his answer “No, but Benny (his 18month old brother) does”
Can’t get him off the bottle either. My plan is before Christmas.
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Meshel, if no one wants to hold their hands in line they’ll have each other!!
My daughter didn’t want a bar of the potty, so we have it a rest. Tried again with the toilet a few months later and made a huge song and dance and gave rewards when she accepted just to sit there. The again when she did something while on there. Lots of kisses and high fives, the works!
When she was ready, ie accepting to sit on the toilet, it only took her three days with an accident per day to get it worked out.
Now, four months later we’ve had app an accident a month due to various reasons, but we just talk about it quietly and continue with the huge praise when she gets it right.
Keep in mind, it’s rare for ten-year-olds to wear nappies, they’ll get there eventually!!
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I’m a child psychologist and am keen to try this with my 26 month old come summer. It will give my friends a laugh, anyway! I found the book at an online second hand book dealer. Try eBay, Amazon etc. Robin Barker has some very sound advice in The Mighty Toddler. Toilet training is 12 months later than it used to be, on average. Disposable nappies and training pants don’t help. There are lots of cloth options available on cloth nappy websites which accelerate the process while making the mess manageable and going out possible.
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I just remembered something else. Weeks before started tt, i would change the kids pooy nappy, say really calm and no big deal., ” great job going a poo,” now lets go flush it
Down the toilet,” so i’d drop the poo in the loo, (turning the full nappy upside down) flush the toilet and we’d all say “good by poo” wash our hands and off we went. Really made this ‘no big deal, just part of our day.’
Also, i didnt use a potty (i couldnt stand the thought of cleaning it, and then i also thought i’d then have the ‘next step’ of moving to the toilet.) what ever works though. Heaps of people love potty’s. Do not panic, every kid is different.
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Roll up the rug, stock up on pine o clean & paper towel! I don’t know how we did it with my son, who’s now 4, but just when we thought he’d never get it he did. We did have a piece of paper stuck on the wall outside the toilet with a photo of him on the potty that said “I can sit on the potty” and everytime he sat on the potty he could choose a sticker. Then after awhile we added another piece of paper with a photo that said “I can do a wee on the potty” and everytime he mastered each step he’d get a new piece of paper with a new “I” statement. We went through 100′s of stickers but you can stock up at the cheap shops. Am just remembering how hard it all was and have decided my 15 month old twins may stay in nappies forever- can they be bush dance partners with your kids?
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Hi meshel. My 2 cents
Worth. Just wait. They sound like they’re not
Ready. Sounds easy, but dont panic about it, cos they’ll feel it and refuse
even more. My son was going really well and then 6 mths later (for no
reason) he regressed. I pulled the pin, put him in pull ups for bout 3 weeks, didnt talk about toliets etc. After 3 weeks we slowly started again. Keeping it really casual, we started again. Got him to chat to us while we were on the toliet, got him to flush the toliet and say good bye to the poo. (i know, but it worked) got him to watch his cousins use the loo (similar age) it worked. My daughter trained herself, so i dont know what happend there. So what worked for me.. Be calm, be relaxed and gentle encourage without
going overboard. Some get it in days, others take
months. Accidents are
going to happen. Hope this has been some help.
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It may not sound helpful but your children will be toilet trained when they’re ready.
Keep trying and asking if they want to go but if you find yourself or your children getting frustrated then you need to stop, give it a break for a few days then try again when you’re both ready.
There’s no rush. Although I think every parent would rather it happen sooner rather than later.
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I couldn’t relate more to your story!!! My now 3.5 year old twin girls were (what felt like a nightmare at the time) to toilet train. I waited until they were 2.5 and one picked it up within a week where the other one took about a month. I used to say to my husband I might set up a bed in the toilet because I feel like I am constantly living in there with the both of them saying they need to go with nothing happening. And the washing, oh the washing!!! They are now 3.5 and they are fantastic and been trained for over a year now.
A little trick I found was making a special trip to the shops to let them pick out there own undies like dora or whatever their favourite character is makes them excited about wearing them and just buy about 20 pairs!! Good luck and don’t worry it will happen:).
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Totally unethical I’m sure, but I held a bag of grapes in front of my 2.5 year old (his favourite fruit) and told him that he could have a couple every time he did a wee in the toilet. No wee = no grapes. I must have fluked it, because that was it done and dusted.
Just keep giving it a gentle go. As the weather warms up, it’s easier for them to be running around in undies. They’ll be right!
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I did this with my son and it worked. He went for dried pawpaw and I kept a jar in the bathroom.
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Lots of people have recommended the take-the-nappy off approach and wait for the mess, but what happens when they are like my son and then just hold it? He will actually walk around for hours holding on to his penis so not to wee his undies or have to go on the potty?
My reaction has been to put the nappy back on quick smart. I am guessing this is his way of telling me he does not want to use the potty!
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give him something else to hold on to thats better……………better than a penis, im not a boy but given his age ill opt for food not beer. Good luck
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What worked for me was having a week at home where we just ditched the nappies. Yes there was messes but these accidents made her realise that its annoying wetting yourself all the time and she worked out pretty quick that sitting on the potty in the lounge room was a much better option. Lucky we have tiles so cleaning up wasn’t too bad.
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I tried everything with my 3 yr old daughter and nothing worked.
I left her with her father for a day and after about 6 changes of undies before lunch he told her she would have to run around with a bare bum for the rest of her life because she wasn’t going back to nappies. It worked and she never had an accident again.
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I haven’t read all the comments so apologies if I am repeating others BUT I found that a potty was not enticing at all and actually a hindrance. Was not interested in a potty and he thought it was pretty yuk. We encouraged “bush wees” and understood early on that he hated pooing in a public toilet. Part of this was because he would take off all his clothes and squat on the toilet seat. Looks hilarious (he still “sits” like that at 9) but is actually a really healthy way to position yourself and kids find squatting easy. So my advice is ditch the potty and show them all the options.
PS I’ll never forget my God-daughter gleefully telling us she had mastered the standup bush wee just like her brothers!
Good luck Meshel, it will happen in the end!
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I was convinced my daughter would be toliet trained earlier than my son, but by the age of 3 she was still scared of the toliet. It took a magical moment at the park when she spied another little girl’s princess knickers. My daughter asked if she could have some – we only had plain – and I told her when she was ready to wee on the potty she was ready for princess knickers. Well, she couldnt get home fast enough, sat straight on the potty and we never looked back. The advatge of them being older is that once they decide they are ready (coz by that age it is a choice) there are very few (or no) accidents. Smooth sailing! It will happen!
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Meshel
Breathe.
Wait.
Think about the upcoming summer and the warmer weather it will bring. If you wait a bit longer, nothing will happen except that the washing will be easier, they will be able to wear no pants at all (at home) and they will both be that little bit more ready.
Do. Not. Drive. Yourself. Insane. Over. This.
Read and repeat the above.
And know you are NOT alone!
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Meshel I also have boy/girl twins that have just turned 2 – girl has trained herself over the past week but the boy is just not interested! Wait till they are ready and it will be a breeze! P.s. heard you on the radio one day saying your twins each chips everyday – best twin advice ever! I love you for that
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It has been years since I have done the potty training wail. But all I can add to the advice given is that they are all different. I had one child who spotted dad and decided that if he ever wanted to be a big boy then that is how he was going to use the toilet, he was trained at 2.
His brother decided that if I wouldn’t put a nappy on him he would dam well put his own on, and would try and put the pin in while lying on the floor. The older girl took forever and so on
Good luck
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Ah potties in the lounge room…
My daughter was just starting to use the potty for wees but was refusing to do poos. Thus she was getting a little blocked up. One morning we had some dear friends over (who didn’t have kids at the time) for brunch, and just as we were sitting down to tasty eggs benedict at the dining table my daughter quietly dropped her dacks and did a massive poo in the potty next to us, accompanied by loud grunting and groaning. We were so excited for her that we totally forgot about our friends and danced about with lots of clapping and throwing of chocolate freckles. All the while the stinky steaming poo was sitting in the potty next to my poor friend’s leg. They were totally shocked by this whole performance (by all three of us) and needless to say they kind of lost their appetites for the eggs….
We didn’t realise how much they were affected by the incident until we heard the story told over and over for years as the funniest/craziest/most gross child-rearing anecdote ever. I’m sure they have vowed never to have a potty in the lounge room… mind you their son is just coming up to TT time so we shall see!
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Meshel this wont help you – but for other’s reading w younger kids, I really recommend a book called Diaper Free Before Three. Both my kids (boy and girl) were toilet trained by 20 months and it was stress-free and great to get it out of the way before younger siblings arrived and before the stubborness of the 2yr old arrived too!
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oh yeah- forgot to say- Smarties- we went through quite a few packets- wee on toilet = Smarties, then phased them out. Whatever works!!
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My nearly three year old daughter is great with wees on the potty, but really struggles with poo. I don’t know whether she just doesn’t like it, or likes the sensation of doing it in her pants but I’m at my wits end! We’ve tried toy rewards, food rewards and even money for her money box but nothing works. I’ve backed off now, maybe if I chill out a bit and not push her it might help? Any suggestions are more than welcome!!!
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How about leaving the pants off & see if she’ll run to the pot or toilet when she feels the poo starting to happen! Sorry if she doesn’t make it! She might get the idea. If it fails twice just go back to waiting until the other kids at kindy/day care make her feel dumb for not knowing how!
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Try some motivation- get something they want (ie. plastic useless toy!) and develop a star chart- reward stars for sitting on the potty. Do toilet timing- 20 mins after a drink/meal; before a bath- try every 30 mins- for a sit on the potty. Schedule 3 days straight at home to focus on it. Get some kids books about potties/toilets etc to read when they are sitting on it. Buy them some exciting new undies and talk up the ‘big kid’ factor! Once they get the gist it’s easy sailing!
Good luck! (and if all else fails ask a paediatric Occupational Therapist or child health nurse for advice!)
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It sounds like you’ve asked us yourself. It does work for most, but for those that hang on, the occupational therapists help and some wonderful stuff called movicol.
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I almost threw a party on the day my boy finally did a poo on the loo! He kept telling me that he would do it when he turned four and then he did it. We decided to let him decide when he was ready and we have had no accidents ever, he was not set up to fail! This was only a few weeks ago and I was seriously worried it would never happen but they all get there eventually. It is not a race, though it feels like a marathon!
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hahaha my 4yo son took forever to train….. especially for no2′s. He got the hang of peeing on the potty reasonably quickly, but as for the other….. he would wait until I put a nappy on him to go to bed, and then would happily fill it. Briberly with chocolate frogs, actually helped a lot!!
Still working on how to get him out of nappies at night.
Hoping that my 20 month daughter will get the hang of it over summer …..lots of people tell me that girls are easier to train than boys – and i’m clinging onto that hope!!
At them moment, she just loves taking off her nappy and will then happily pee all over the floor (thank goodness for polished floor boards).
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Ummmm little weird but put a ping pong ball in the toilet and ask them to hit it with their wee! Something for them to focus on lol and it won’t go down the toilet when you flush!
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