Trigger warning: This post may be upsetting for readers who have experienced violence.
No girl ever grows up wanting to be abused. It’s not like you dreamed of your Prince Charming hitting you. Nobody ever chooses this.
But the thing is, it’s rarely simple.
You meet a guy. He’s lovely. He has problems yes, but so do you. But somehow your imperfections work to make you perfect for each other. He loves you. You love him.
Maybe, you wrestle. Maybe you tickle, and pin each other down. Maybe, sometimes someone gets hurt. Sometimes he hurts you, sometimes you hurt him. It’s not bad. You are just two very physical people, and sometimes you both take it too far. But it’s okay.
Your mother worries. You reassure her that everything’s okay. You start to see less of your friends, because you are so wrapped up in this amazing person who loves you so much. Some of your friends don’t like him, so maybe you see less of them. Somewhere along the line, life changes, maybe you move away with him, and you start to lose contact with friends, and you see your mum less. Suddenly he is all you have.
You still wrestle. Play. Sometimes it gets a bit scary. You need each other so much. Sometimes he gets so intense, so down. You worry about him, so you give more and more of yourself. He is wonderful. But sometimes you wonder about the life you are missing out on, when all of yours is wrapped up in him. You have trouble making friends, and you come to rely on each other so much, but it’s okay.
You get married. Maybe a few people worry about you, you’re so young. But you love each other so much. You are sure that it’s right. You travel, you buy a house. You are happy. You still fight sometimes, now it is less wrestling, and more physical fighting. But you don’t really hurt each other (often). Sometimes his anger can be terrifying. But most of the time, you provoke it. If he hurts you, it’s because you hit him first. So you kind of deserved it. Occasionally you have a really bad fight, one that makes you question every decision you made that led you here. But you love him so much. And he loves you. It’s still okay.
You have kids. That makes things… harder. Maybe he changes jobs, or his job gets more stressful. That starts bringing things out more. You say horrid, unkind things. You are not nice to him. You watch yourself become more bitter, angrier. He gets very angry at you sometimes. He is careful not to leave marks. You start to rationalise things. He is stressed, he is under a lot of pressure. You do provoke him. Sometimes you still hit first, so then you do deserve it. He still loves you. You still love him.