There’s a debate happening over on US news wesite Gawker.com right now. A heated one. About Christmas trees – because apparently, those inanimate, seemingly harmless objects are the latest things pissing everybody off.
In the blue corner, we have Cord Jefferson. (What kind of a name is Cord, seriously?) Cord hates
happiness and pretty things Christmas trees. The name of his article is, “Childless Adults Should Not Have Christmas Trees.”
Cord reckons that trees are a “messy pain in the ass” that drop pine needles and such all over the floor. He also says that they’re expensive, a hassle, and annoying to move around – and so you should ONLY consider one if you actually have a child that might get some joy out of it.
(Keep in mind that Cord is based in the US where the great majority of trees are the real ones. Not like in Australia, where we often get creative with plastic, tinsel, washi tape, or even just a few twigs stuck in a pot with baubles hanging off them.)
“The reason Christmas trees are for children is because Christmas itself is a holiday for children,” he says. “The “Christmas Spirit” is a marketing gimmick, and Christmas trees in contemporary society are for putting presents under.” If you want to give gifts to people, he says, give away – just don’t put them under a tree first.
Now, before you get too shitty with Cord, let’s move over to the argument from the opposition.
In the red corner (which is also decorated with tinsel and baubles and several of those singing Santa Claus toys), we have Caity Weaver, with the article titled “Absolutely Everyone Should Have A Christmas Tree”.
Her main arguments relate to how depressing the Northern Hemisphere winter can be without a Christmas tree to brighten it all up. She points out that Cord is typically a “seasonally nice fellow”, but because of winter, he now spends his time “penning angry diatribes against holiday cheer”.
However – Christmas trees are here to save the day. As only are they ridiculously cheerful, the Christmas tree ritual is also nice and comforting, and the real pine ones smell really good.
“It’s not pointless,” says Caity. “Things that make you feel better—that give a little color to your days; that break up the monotony of everyday life—are not pointless.” And she adds that Christmas trees help to put adults in a good mood. Just like alcohol.
Now. I am the Unofficial Christmas Spirit Captain (UCSC for short) to beat all Christmas-spirity people. I am never happier than when surrounded by festive, sparkly items, preferably with Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas” playing on loudspeaker nearby. Carols in the Domain is my LIFE.