fashion

BEHOLD: The ugliest Christmas jumpers on the planet.

As a longtime fan of Christmas, I find this time of year a bit hard to handle. It’s at least two months before we start hearing tinny renditions of Here Comes Santa Claus while frantically running around the shops preparing for (as Bridget Jones calls it) the annual Taste-Of-Others exam.

Thankfully, this is where Christmas in July comes in. A fun way to celebrate Christmas in the middle of the year without the usual chaos, it’s particularly special for us Southern Hemispherians who want to enjoy a more ‘authentic’ cold-weather Christmas. This means roast turkey, hot cocoa and… the best bit…. Ugly Christmas Jumpers (or sweaters, for those joining us from North America).

Here is a pictorial journey through our favourite Ugly Christmas Jumpers.

Beer belly

Any vest that allows you to carry at least five drinks at one time is a winner in my books.

The perfect Christmas vest. Image via Morning Chores.
The perfect Christmas vest. Image via Morning Chores.

From Russia with love.

Who wouldn’t want to see a buff Vladmir Putin riding a red-nosed reindeer?

Source: Amazon
Source: Amazon
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Christmas Tree Transformer

This one is simple to execute.

Step 1: Get a dark green jumper and decorate it with baubles and tinsel.

Step 2: Find a star and hold it in one hand.

Step 3: Put your hands up in the air.

Voila, you’re a Christmas tree!

This amazing feat of robotics will have even the most resourceful of Transformers asking themselves “Why didn’t I think of that??”

More importantly, this Christmas jumper might inspire others to throw presents under your ‘tree’…. including the guy below…

Source: Oh My Creative
Source: Oh My Creative

God’s gift to women

Source: Morning Chores
Source: Morning Chores
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Light up the room with your smile…

…unless you can’t be bothered, in which case, use this LED-lit Christmas jumper instead.

Source: uglychristmassweater.com
Source: uglychristmassweater.com

Regurgitating Rudolph 

This cutesy pair of jumpers elegantly illustrates the aftermath of Rudolph’s Christmas overindulgence.

Source: Oh My Creative
Source: Oh My Creative
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Finally. A jumper that combines the joy of Christmas with drinking-game chic.

Source: Morning Chores
Source: Morning Chores

Though if you’re a poor shot, you might wake up the next morning feeling like this…

Source: Spencer’s
Source: Spencer’s
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The accidentally sexy outfit

Given the clear directive of “Dress Code – UGLY Christmas jumper”, there’s always that one person who ‘misunderstands’ the brief and turns up in the following.

(PS. You know who you are).

Source: Amazon
Source: Amazon

Mirror image

This clever idea replaces the elf’s face with a mirror so that other people can ‘complete’ your sweater.

Wear this to your office Xmas-in-July party* and be prepared to have your workmates staring intently at your chest.

*Sadly, I could never make this sweater truly ugly because all my colleagues are extremely good-looking. I also hope they’re all reading this.

Source: Morning Chores
Source: Morning Chores
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Get it off my chest

Why settle for having people simply look at your chest, when they can paw at it too?

This sweater allows you to spread sweetness and joy to your colleagues, while also providing some much-needed amusement for the HR department.

Source: Picky Stitch
Source: Picky Stitch

This post originally appeared on Stuck On You and was republished here with full permission. 

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