When Laura* has sex with a man she met online inside a Sydney* hotel room, she’s not thinking about anything else.
She’s not thinking about her husband of nine years. Or her kids. Or the washing overflowing in the basket.
For a few hours, no one needs to be fed or bathed and nothing must be immediately folded or mopped.
It’s just the two of them. And it’s simple.
How to have better sex, according to Samantha X. Post continues.
It hasn’t always been like this, though.
“In the beginning, you sort of think about it a little,” Laura told Mamamia. ” You question, am I being normal? Is he going to suspect something?”
Laura had been married to her husband for about five years when she started feeling a growing need for, “something a little extra, a little different.
“There are some things that my husband doesn’t like or won’t do with me that I would like to…” she said.
Her interest in BDSM, an erotic practice that involves bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism and masochism, was something she was struggling to ignore.
It was then she decided to sign up to Ashley Madison, the world’s leading extra-marital dating website.
When the service first launched in 2002, it came with the notorious tagline: “Life is short. Have an affair.”
At first, Laura chose ‘erotic chat’ and just spoke to people online about her fantasies and desires. She enjoyed the flirting, and felt uncomfortable about meeting a stranger she’d found on the internet – something she’d never done before.
That was until about a year ago.
“I decided I was going to go further and test my limits,” she said, and that’s when she met a man she would later spend a day with in a hotel room.
“It was scary the first meet up, but that was also a good experience. It was completely casual, and I had no concerns at all that it might turn into something romantic,” Laura reflected.
“There was a sense of guilt there from the beginning. You’re questioning ‘What are you doing here?’ and ‘Why are you doing it?'” she said.
“And then, I don’t know,” Laura said, pausing. “I guess it got fun.”
Since then, there have been others. And Laura has found herself increasingly able to push her husband to the back of her mind.
One partner Laura describes as her “boundary pusher” who shared her interest in BDSM.