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If you ever meet Channing Tatum's penis, be sure to call it by its name.

It’s all about the simple things for human labrador Channing Tatum: sandwiches, Care Bears and Pinterest.

Tatum participated in a Reddit AMA to promote his forthcoming film Magic Mike XXL as well as his Omaze charity campaign, and it was a PR-free zone.

He was exactly as charming and candid as you would expect a lovably self-effacing meathead to be. And funny as hell.

We would join you anywhere, Channing. Image via Instagram.

Here are some of the things we learned about the Tatum tot from his spectacular responses to Reddit users bat-shit crazy questions.

1. Pinterest is his happy place.

When he’s having a bad day, Tatum likes nothing more than some online scrapbooking.

“Swear to god. Just to not think about all the shit I have to do or what’s going wrong, I just go and look at Pinterest.”

2. He has discovered exactly what happens in you poop in a blizzard.

3. Sandra Bullock’s house is the first place he’s heading in a zombie apocalypse.

“Crossbow, straight up, and I’d want an army of ninja chimpanzees that crush people all around me. Or I would just go to Sandra Bullock’s house as I’m sure she has all that stuff because she’s dope and kick-ass.”

4. His wang has a name: Gilbert. Nuff said.

Tatum and his fellow hot guys in full flight in Magic Mike XXL. Image via Instagram.

5. Tatum’s ideal sandwich is so American.

k get ready: it’s very complicated.
bread, white. peanut butter, not crunchy, creamy. grape jelly, double portion, more than you think should actually fit on a piece of white bread. bread. and then some cheetos shoved in there, and then you’re good to go.

6. He has a healthy fear of his wife.

Channing Tatum, Jenna Dewan Tatum, and a whole bunch of puppies. They are living my dream life. Image via Instagram.

6. His love of Jonah Hill makes him invent words. Dualitied? Sure, why not.

“Jonah is one of the most fascinatingly dualitied people. He can completely be one of the most intellectually smart and quick people that i’ve ever been around, and then he can come down to my level and just be very kid like and just play without any pretension. I love him. He’s like a brother to me.”

7. He suggests you focus on his dancing in Step Up.

8. He was more about Care Bears than GI Joes.

“I was just given a bear for my 35th birthday by a friend Joanne and it was a bear with a heart on it. The Care Bear cousins were my favorite. There was the lion and the fast rabbit. Those two were pretty awesome.”

Tatum’s baby girl with wife Jenna Dewan Tatum will have an enviable Care Bear collection. Image via Instagram.

9. If he could have one super power, it would be to make people naked at any given momnent. Seems unaware he already possesses that power.

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“I wish that I could make anyone at any point just happen to be naked. Not for the reasons that everyone thinks. Because people get really nice when they get naked. Like okay, I can’t be an asshole. People aren’t assholes when they get naked (for the most part). They are thinking about what they look like. Shitty answer, I tried to do something funny and it didn’t work.”

10. He and Chris Pratt are “buddies” *swoon*.

“The last picture I took on my phone I was going into a meeting and there was a tv on the wall playing CNN and they were talking about Jurassic World shattering box office openings so I sent that to my buddy Pratt. I’m just really proud of him, happy for him. It also said something about southeast Texas weather pressure. That’s what I was really trying to tell Pratt, to make sure he was aware of a pressure front coming in.”

11. In the world’s most disturbing game of Kill, Marry, F**k, he’d…

I’d fuck Danny Devito, as I was saying earlier it could be fun. I’d marry Ray Romano, because I think he has a pretty solid perspective on marriage. I don’t know who would be the male or female, you figure it out. And I like Gilbert Gottfried but I wouldn’t mind killing him.

Channing Tatum
It may seem that the purpose of this article is just gratuitous shots of Tatum with no shirt on, but it’s genuinely difficult to find ones of him fully clothed. Honest. Image via GQ.

12. He’s just like the rest of us: mesmerised by Matt Bomer’s eyes.

“absofuckinglutely. no matter if you’re a man, woman, cat, hamster, you will get lost in matt bomer’s eyes. I don’t know what they are made of outside of dreams and rainbows and amazingness but it truly doesn’t matter. And when he sings. It’s like god gave with both hands and then grew a third hand and graced him with more. he’s crazy talented.”

13. He once charmed his way to a beer when he didn’t have ID.

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