To jump right in, I dated a famous actor several years ago. While we weren’t exclusive or in anything more than a casual relationship, we were in each other’s lives for about two years. 

I flew to new places, had amazing conversations and date nights, met other celebrities, and overall enjoyed my time with him. 

I was young, dazed by the rich and famous, and game for pretty much anything at that point, so I frequently painted him in the best light possible, even when he didn’t deserve it. 

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Truthfully, he wasn’t very nice to me. When he ignored me, I’d look past it. When he invited another girl into our bed, I said yes even though I didn’t want to. When he partied hard, I worried about his health but said nothing for fear of upsetting him. When I was his second, third, or fourth option, I considered myself lucky. Again, I was young and insecure, dazed and confused, if you will.

Oh, how I’ve grown.

My famous friend and I lost touch when I started dating someone else, and I ended up falling in love with this person. 

The decision for me to cut contact with my 'ex' was easy — my new boyfriend and I were basking in a different level of happiness and I would not mess it up. I had someone in my life who treated me with real, genuine, appreciation. I was happy, and I still am. We’ve been together for over five years.

My famous friend was nonchalant about me ending communication with him, which only confirmed that I had made the healthiest choice.  

I didn’t hear from him for a few years until this week. He messaged me out of the blue, asking how I was. I looked at the message, rolled my eyes, and deleted it.

After so many years of replaying what our relationship actually looked like, I didn’t have the fondest memories of our time together. And it was safe to say I was probably not the only girl he was messaging randomly that day.

A few days later, he messaged me again, asking why I didn’t reply. I looked at the message and deleted it without hesitation. 

This whole thing was probably an ego-boost for him, just to see if I’d reply after all these years. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. In fact, I let my boyfriend know that he had messaged me.

My boyfriend, a respectful and kind man, told me he knew I’d handle it appropriately. He didn’t ask any further questions, like what my famous friend wanted, or if we had talked recently. Our relationship is founded on trust, and the rarity of that isn’t lost on us. This means I had no intention of replying to my ex-fling.

The next day, he messaged me again. "Are you still dating that guy? I want to take you out." I stared at the message, impressed at the tenacity of this encounter and insulted at the same time. 

He really wasn’t giving up, but I had zero interest in jumping back in time and undoing all the maturation and growth I’d accomplished. I was proud of who I was now, but I was never proud of who I was when I was with him. I deleted the message once more.

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"I’m going to try one more time. Let me take you out," he texted a few hours later. I replied, "Hi, long time no talk. I’m in a relationship, but I wish you the best." 

He never replied, and I don’t think it will be the last time I hear from him. I handled it calmly this time, and I’ll do it again, if necessary.

This is what I’ve learned about boundaries and self-respect when it comes to famous people.

The fantasy that envelops the world of the rich and famous will never fade. It will always be exciting, it will always feel forbidden, and it will always make you feel special. That doesn’t mean it’s healthy, for you, the outsider, or for the celebrity immersed in that foreign world.

And because there are serious and legitimate fan/celebrity couples that exist, although it is a very small demographic, I believe those couples are the reason so many of us ordinary folk think that maybe we’ll get lucky too. 

But it’s not luck to be thrown into the world of the rich and famous, and I wish more people understood that. Not everyone can handle it, especially young women who are looking to impress others, no matter what it costs on their part. 

I experienced walking hand in hand at a party, a venue, an airport with someone everyone knew. 

That type of adrenaline is indescribable — you are special, powerful even. People look at you like you’re important and untouchable. 

But it means nothing. It’s not real, and we should strive to be more than some famous person’s plus-one. I respect myself not to fall for that trap of glitter and gold, especially as he texted me again and again, inviting me back in. 

I stand firmly with the idea that even if I wasn’t in a relationship, I still would’ve said no. Because famous or not, he didn’t treat me right. And I deserve to be treated respectfully.

Respect is a two-way street. Give respect and expect it. If you interact with someone who doesn’t give it, whether or not they are famous, respect yourself by walking away from them. 

This may be in-person, this may be online. Wherever it takes place — remember that while this world may be exciting, most of the time, it’s unhealthy and exploitative. Look for real, respectful, mutual love instead.

Feature Image: Getty

The author of this story is known to Mamamia but has chosen to remain anonymous for privacy reasons. The feature image used is a stock photo.