real life

"I’ve spent almost half of my life with my husband, and I’m still as attracted to him as I ever was."

 

Cameron Diaz, possessor of excellent abs and great hair, has revealed she doesn’t believe in monogamy.

I know, Stop. The. World. Let’s all get off.

In the grand scheme of things whatever Cameron Diaz is doing in the bedroom doesn’t greatly affect our lives but it’s always fun when a celebrity goes rogue and doesn’t tout the usual I-woke-up-like-this-and-eat-hamburgers-all-the-time line.

Here’s what she actually said: “I don’t know if anyone is really naturally monogamous. We all have the same instincts as animals. But we live in a society where it’s been ingrained in us to do these things.”

“A lot of people chase after it because they’ve been told, ‘This equals happiness.’ They chase it, they get it, and they find out, ‘Why did I think this was going to make me happy? I’m miserable!'”

To which I say bullocks.

On our wedding day.

Monogamy with the right person can make you happy. Very, very happy.

I have been with my now husband since I was 18-years-old. For those of you playing along at home that’s a total of 16 years. I don’t like telling many people that, mostly because I can tell their perception of me shifts.

I can tell they’re thinking ‘Oh, but you haven’t lived!’ ‘You haven’t had enough life experience’ ‘You haven’t slept with a bunch of people!’ … but I didn’t need to.

At the risk of sounding twee, I knew he was special the moment I met him. I had also met and dated enough douchebags to know when a really great one came along. And for me, he was it.

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You see, the thing about finding someone you want to spend the rest of your life with – marriage or no marriage – is that the years fly by. I can’t believe it’s already been 16 years, it feels like it’s been about five. I know that even on our 25th or 50th wedding anniversary will still feel like I haven’t had enough time with him.

There’s an assumption about marriage that you stop being attracted to each other after a certain amount of time, but even though I’ve spent almost half of my life with him, I’m still as attracted to him as I ever was.

Sure, it’s not the I-want-to-rip-your-clothes-off attraction of when we were younger, but I sometimes catch myself looking at him and thinking, How did I manage to pull this off? I can’t believe he actually married me. Yes, even after 16 years, I still think I’m punching above my weight.

As anyone in a long term relationship knows, it’s not easy. But no one ever said it was. Relationship goal posts move and you have to constantly check with each other to make sure you’re both happy. No matter how much you’re in love, from time to time you are going to find other people attractive. The. End.

But you don’t have to act on it. And it’s not against our natural instincts to expect your partner remain monogamous. That’s called respect. In fact, I’d argue the opposite to what Diaz is saying. Jealously is an instinctive emotion, it’s natural to not want your partner to hook up with other women.

And Cameron? Monogamy may not make you happy, but it sure does work for a lot of us.

Myself included.


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