You’ve tried and tried to work things out. But still, everything about your relationship seems like time-wasting hard work. The fights are constant and familiar, you’re treading on eggshells, forcing affection.
You feel stuck, and you can’t imagine feeling free – at least, not with this person.
That, according to relationship coach and mediator Anabel Newton, is when it’s time to make the difficult decision to break up with your partner.
Here, The Happy Couple’s Blueprint founder takes us through the key steps in breaking up in an effective, healthy way.
Once you decide to break up, what’s next?
First of all, don’t beat yourself up about it, Newton tells Mamamia.
“Breaking up is never going to fun. There is no need to drag it out. Once you have decided to end the relationship, do it soon, be direct, respectful and kind,” she says.
“The only preparation you need is to stop anything that can be called ‘stringing along’. That means no last-minute booty calls without full and frank disclosure!”
For more on love and healthy relationships, catch Love Life with Osher Gunsberg. Post continues…
What is the best place to break up with someone?
“In person, without an audience and with enough time to allow for you both to say what you need to say and answer any fair questions like, ‘Why now?'” Newton says.
Is it okay to break up over the phone or email?
“No – not unless the majority of the relationship was conducted long-distance over the phone or by email,” Newton argues.
Newton believes body language, facial expressions and tone of voice are crucial in communicating effectively that you want to end the relationship.
“If you feel you absolutely cannot verbalise in person, then draft an email and send it when you are in person. That way the other person can read it and still be able to seek clarification, witness your body language and realise that you are sincere as well as respectful.”
What should you say?
Newton stresses that it's important to know exactly why you are breaking up and be able to communicate that clearly.
"Being honest is respectful of the other person’s feelings. No one appreciates being lied to. However, there is a difference between being honest and being hurtfully blunt," she says.