"I roadtested 6 types of condoms to see if there's ~actually~ any difference."

Pre-lockdown, when I would go out with my friends, there would always be a condom in my bag for anyone that needed it. Because it became pretty clear that you can’t always rely on the other player to bring protection when it comes to penetrative sex in my cis, hetero experience.

I have always been one to politely (and respectfully) reprimand my friends who don’t use condoms with casual partners. Even in relationships, wrapping it up is my contraception of choice. 

I don’t feel good on hormonal contraception, and thankfully, I’ve never really copped any pushback from partners... not partners I want to be with anyway.

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A couple of my more casual encounters met me with an eye roll, a sentiment about how ‘it won’t feel good’ which felt entirely pre-rehearsed, or an ‘I don’t think I have one’ only to magically find one once I’d say ‘no worries, we just won’t have sex then’. Which is my main message here: I have never once encountered someone who would rather to not have sex, than to have sex with a condom on when those were the options were presented to them.

Now I know, I know. You’re worried that it’s going to press pause on the vibe. Especially when you’re naked and vulnerable... you don’t want to kill the mood by unwrapping the condom, or you don’t want them to be unkind towards you for asking them to do so. But protection benefits all parties. I protect you, you protect me, it’s respectful. And I think in an act as intimate as this, that’s pretty essential. Putting a condom on without hesitation on is the bare minimum you should expect from someone who would like to enter you, please. 

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Now I’m not perfect, no one is - most people have slipped up from time to time. But DO NOT tell me that it’s like showering in a raincoat. I’m tired of hearing it. You know what raincoats are for? Protection. Literally protection from the rain. 

So I, with the help of my partner, road tested condoms to find the best of the best. Condoms that didn’t inhibit our pleasure, but perhaps even enhanced it.

Welcome to...

The Great Condom Roadtest of 2021

SKYN Extra Lube:

I mean, who doesn’t love a slip n’ slide? Extra lube is literally never a bad thing. 

The condom is thin, and generous in size. I would definitely pop this in my basket, which is great because they’re very easily accessible, and I think these would be perfect if you were out and about and didn’t have lube handy. 

Jonny:

The packaging is luxe AF. These would look chic in a handbag, or on a bedside table and to the untrained eye...do not look like a typical box of condoms. 

They’re certified vegan latex with a biodegradable disposal bag included for each condom, which is just next level thoughtful, especially if you’re living in a sharehouse with a communal bathroom bin. They're also double washed during the manufacturing process, so they don’t have that latex-y smell to them. 

Frenchie:

The design of this packaging is again so unique, and you could pop a couple in your handbag and people would probably think they’re little lip balm pots. 

They’re super thin at just 0.05mm, and they’re all natural and vegan - nothing synthetic. However, the sizing of these is a little smaller than the others, so that’s something to keep in mind if you’re dealing with a larger ✨package✨.

Moments:

This is our condom of choice. For both of us, this one feels like there’s nothing there. 

According to my partner, this is the closest to wearing nothing that he’s felt. They have extra large options, as well as extra thin options... which blows my mind considering the regular ones are already so thin. These are the ones we reach for now, and the packaging reads ‘know your worth’. Amen.

Four Seasons Naked Shiver:

To quote my partner: ‘It felt like I'd fallen naked into the snow’. Pretty much.

We actually grabbed this one in the dark and it took a couple moments for us to accuse eachother of secretly trying something new, perhaps with ice cubes. Basically, it’s formulated with menthol and it feels chilly for both players. It’s definitely something fun to shake things up, and to its credit, certainly heightened the experience. 

Durex Pleasure Me:

Now, I don’t know if this is just me, but I cannot feel a damn thing when it comes to ribbed condoms. I feel like between everything else going on I just can’t seem to notice the little ridges. 

Of course, I love that these are made with people with vaginas in mind, to enhance their pleasure (love that), but all I can really say is that it’s a good condom. I just couldn’t tell you if it were a standard one or a ribbed one even if you offered me 100 orgasms. 

These are generously sized and Durex’s standard of quality testing makes me feel very, very confident.

...And there's your lot, folks! Hope this gives you an insight into your rubbery options, but while you ponder your next condom purchase, let me leave you with a little Lucy-endorsed message: 

Condoms are continuously evolving, and improving, and anyone who makes you feel embarrassed for requesting a safe sexual experience, isn’t worth your time.

AMEN.

To get to know Lucy Neville better, you can listen to her on episodes of The Undone, and by following her on Instagram. 

Feature Image: Mamamia + @lucymneville.