The best conspiracy theories to come out of last night's Census fail.

If you were like me and thousands of other Australians last night, you would have patiently filled out your Census form only to be informed your ‘request could not be processed’.


How could this happen? I didn’t even mark myself as a widowed Jedi with 11 children!

The Australian Bureau of Statistics has now come out to say the Census website was pulled after numerous multiple attacks were launched by foreign hackers.

Source: Warner Bros.

Chief statistician David Kalisch described the claimed attack as "malicious" to ABC radio on Wednesday morning.

"It was an attack, and we believe from overseas ... It was quite clear it was malicious," he said.


The true source behind the meltdown is yet to be identified, but that hasn't stopped every man and his dog having a guess at the true villain. Here are some of the weirdest theories to emerge.

The 'gorillas in silk suits' theory

This theory was submitted by a Reddit user who claims to have worked in the public service sector for 12 years.

"I suspect that there is a dedicated IT crew out there, currently doing shots of tequila and wondering what to spend their redundancy pay out on.

"Because they would have spent the last three or four years talking to gorillas in silk suits about how they needed x capacity and x amount of money to provide this capacity in order to make the Census work.

Source: Wingnut Films/Edited.

"And the gorillas in silk suits would have heard: 'Blah blah blah money blah blah blah' and gone: 'Nup. I have a computer. I know how this works. You may have a budget of three fucking cents and make sure our logo is at the top.'"

The 'Nobody Completed the Census' theory

"I don't know a single person who has successfully submitted a Census tonight. They have failed hard."

The 'We Were Hacked By Upset Chinese Swimming Fans' theory

Some suggested the Mack Horton 'drug cheats' comments controversy took a sinister turn...

The 'DDOS Attack' theory

DDOS (Distributed Denial of Service) attacks are where hackers overload a server with automated traffic.

Some conspiracy theorists believe it was those pesky swimming fans who sent traffic to the website.

Others believe it was our own government who purposely sent 12 million Australians to the website to bring it down.

The 'We're The Hackers' theory

'The Census Was A Hacking Program' theory

Think about it.

No, don't.

Just wait until we have another opportunity to complete our forms and then summon a lot of patience.

The reaction to #Censusfail was... typically Aussie. Just like these things: