In hindsight, this was a truly terrible idea.
It started with a photo I didn’t understand.
You see, recently fashion retailer Beginning Boutique started selling high-waisted bikini bottoms that seem to ignore a fundamental reality about female genitalia: that it... exists.
Women on Facebook, being the underrated professional comedians that they are, went entirely rogue, responding to photos of the swimwear with perhaps the greatest comment thread of our time. Their funnies included:
"Hmm, nice clit hammock. Sell anything for women with vaginas?"
"I can't even sit like this in a normal bathing suit without my camel trying to stick its toe out and test the water."
"I feel like she has quickly shoved her vagina in and pulled them up like I have to with the towels to shut the laundry cupboard before it all quickly falls out."
"If this woman has a small cameltoe wearing this I'd look like a panda sat on a tightrope."
"I remember an ex telling me that guys refer to girls with big labia as them “having a lot of cash hangin out the wallet”. I’m so fuckin rich compared this poor girl. SO. FUCKIN. WEALTHY."
"Ok so anyone know where I can buy a new vagina??? After seeing this I think mine might be broken."
As an ode to these women, for whom I hold a previously uncharted level of respect, I made a decision: I would buy the 'clit hammock' bikini bottoms, and answer the question thousands of us were asking.