Today, we're talking about sex. Specifically, sex positions.
Now, we've seen stories on the sex routines that help women reach orgasm quicker. We've read tips on how to masturbate more efficiently. Heck, we've even gotten the complete rundown into women's fabulous sex lives through Mamamia's very own column, Sex Diaries.
And as great as that all is, we want to open the floor to some sexual complaints.
Psst! Only Mamamia subscribers can watch this video: Sex before skincare & Kelly's contouring tips.
Unfortunately, sometimes sex is painful, boring and exhausting. Sometimes it's the first thing we want to do, and sometimes it's the last.
And to show a real look into women's sex lives, Mamamia wanted to know the sex positions women absolutely despise, and what exactly makes that manoeuvre so bad for them.
So, without further ado, here are the sex positions 20 women find to be the absolute worst.
(And just an FYI, things are about to get real NSFW.)
Worst sex positions: 69ing
Becky, aged 30: "I despise the coordination! Giving someone pleasure at the same time – it always ends up compromising your own enjoyment (for me)."
Rose, aged 26: "I hate the whole concept of 69ing. To me, it's a 'porn star' fantasy that is not actually all that pleasurable. It feels like we're rushing foreplay. I can't concentrate on pleasuring someone and experiencing pleasure at the same time. Also, the fact someone else's butthole is so close to my nose is an uncomfortable thought. It just feels like a 'two birds one stone' approach designed to speed up foreplay."
Christine, aged 30: "I hate everything about 69ing. From the proximity of the eyes and nose to someone else's butthole, to the simple fact that it is completely uncomfortable; it's wild to me how anyone can enjoy someone going down on them whilst attempting to suck a penis at the same time... Is anyone having fun? I doubt it. Just take turns, people. Take turns!"
Shell, aged 51: "It is just SO distracting! Let me deal with one thing at a time, please."
Worst sex positions: Doggy Style
Sally, aged 38: "Even the name is gross – to have sex like a dog? That makes me feel icky. And also having sex from behind feels so impersonal. Like you’re just a hole for him to put his dick in. Where's the romance? The intimacy and the eye contact? I want that intense, mind-blowing orgasm – and you can bet your bottom dollar I'm not getting that from Doggy Style."
Tash, aged 33: "There is no connection with Doggy Style – whether it's casual sex or sex with a long-term partner. For me, it never gives me pleasure as the penis never hits my sweet spot, and I usually just end up listening to the sound of our bodies slapping. It's really annoying when someone asks to do it. I just say yes to make them happy, but it does literally nothing for me."
Melissa, aged 43: "I hate how Doggy feels. I hate even more that I can't stop thinking about how I look to my partner, but what I hate the most is the fact I'm not in control! Sex is all about the anticipation."
Sheila, aged 35: "This position is my least favourite of all time. I want to see my partner and look into his eyes! I feel like porn has ruined the value of sex and it has mostly to do with this position being everywhere. My partner loves it unfortunately because it feels amazing for him (not me though)."
Worst sex positions: Riding or Girl On Top
Lucy, aged 33: "Riding is so tiring and I feel like I have to concentrate way too much. To the point where I don’t end up enjoying it – plus I get super out of breath."
Angel, aged 45: "The thing is I have big breasts and they flop all over the place when I'm riding. It's the worst position and quite painful for me."
Dana, aged 25: "I like to think I'm pretty 'good' at this position, but I will always avoid it with my husband if possible. It's so tiring. If anything, I'll start riding when I know my partner is about to ejaculate – 30 seconds max and I'm off!"
Kelly, aged 28: "It's just so f**king exhausting. As soon as I'm on the penis, I give it about a minute or two before my legs can't take it anymore."
Worst sex positions: Missionary
Katie, aged 46: "I'm not the biggest fan of the missionary position as it's so... boring. I like to be in control, so I prefer riding. Whenever I control the tempo, the sex is better."
Karen, aged 32: "I prefer to control how fast or slow we go. I want to be in control. I've never really enjoyed missionary because I don't feel much. Maybe it's because I am thicker but the penetration isn't as deep either. It's something I'll only do after he's eaten me out because it's the most natural position to assume, I suppose."
Worst sex positions: Reverse Cowgirl
Jess, aged 22: "Reverse cowgirl is not enjoyable enough to be staring at a wall, whilst trying to create the perfect back arch, which then prohibits you from getting into a rhythm that actually feels good. It’s a 30-second-long position to give your partner the view and then you have to quickly readjust. Anything longer is true suffering."
Elise, aged 26: "Reverse cowgirl is just so... awkward. It's a weird angle. It's uncomfortable. If you're on top, you're staring at your partner's feet. And it's not possible to 'dismount' without looking like a dickhead. It's a no from me!"
Sophie, aged 23: "I feel so ugly in this position. I can't really explain why but I'm convinced everything is incredibly unflattering this way (as opposed to Doggy Style, which is a bit more forgiving in my eyes). I'm a bigger girl too, so the idea of my partner having to take on the full extent of my weight? Eeek!"
Worst sex positions: Spooning
Bianca, aged 35: "Spooning sex can be so difficult and awkward. You spend way more time trying to keep the penis inside of you than you actually do having sex. If you move even a single millimetre to the left, it slips out. Men love it though."
Mary, aged 22: "I haven't been a fan of Spooning sex with my partner. It's really awkward to me because of our major height differences (I'm a whole foot shorter), so it feels like he's bear hugging me. It's not my preference and I only really like it/tolerate it during that really dirty, early morning sex."
Worst sex positions: Legs-On-Shoulders
Marie, aged 32: "I feel like a baby about to have my nappy changed. It's also just too deep and an uncomfortable angle for penetration."
Sharon, aged 23: "There's something about this position that gets me really annoyed super quickly. I think because I am not flexible enough, so even going to all that effort to twist my body perfectly pisses me off. Also, it's not that great. Just give me some missionary please and let's move on!"
Feature Image: Getty + Mamamia.