When Sophie Monk was announced as Australia’s next Bachelorette cheers could be heard around the country.
What a great choice! A funny, relatable, straight-talking self-confessed bogan would be the person steering the ship in this popular franchise. It seemed like a recipe for great viewing.
And so far, Sophie has well-and-truly lived up to all of our high expectations. She’s been warm, honest, genuine, hilarious and unafraid to speak her mind. Yes, Sophie’s quest for love should be magical viewing.
But, there’s just one problem.
She really has no decent guys to choose from.
Listen: Michelle Andrews and Zara McDonald discuss the ins and outs of Sophie’s first date on our podcast, Bach Chat. (Post continues…)
By the end of the second episode it was clear – most of these guys are duds, and the ones that aren’t, well… they’re just nothing special.
This may seem harsh. But let’s just review what we’ve seen so far.
Firstly, I want to know why there are so many early-to-mid-twenty-somethings in the house. There’s Harry, who’s 24, Bingham, 25; Jourdan, 25; 26-year-old Ryan (who is unsuitable for other reasons I probably don’t need to mention), and 24-year-old Apollo.
Now don’t get me wrong – I’m not an ageist here. Men and women can, of course, have successful long-term relationships and marriages with people decades younger than them. As they say, age is just a number. But maturity is a level, and from the glimpses we’ve caught of the younger men in the house, we can’t see their maturity matching up to Sophie’s.
Even Apollo, who seems lovely, just doesn’t look like going the distance with our Soph.
Of the guys aged in their late twenties and early thirties, there are a lot who failed to impress in either Wednesday or Thursday night’s episode. Nothing wrong with them in particular, they might be great for someone else, but a person with a personality as sparkling as Sophie’s deserves an equally charming, entertaining partner.
And then there were the douches who we hope to God Sophie sees through quickly and sends packing. Blake may have been pipped at the post by Ryan for the title of the show's "villain", but he's still an arrogant man, who's looking for a "hot" wife.
It's probably unnecessary to go into all the reasons why Ryan is not the guy for Sophie Monk, but here they are anyway: his manner so far is best described as "aggressive", he interrogated Sophie about her motives with no basis after interrupting her opening speech, he seems to lack a sense of humour, oh and he licks his lips in a creepy "I'm about to devour you" kind of way.
So really, after the limo arrivals, we were left with three options for Sophie.
- Sam, a 31-year-old voice-over artist who seemed to have a sense of humour and could be acceptable if he cut off the man-bun.
- Jarrod, a vineyard manager, also 31, who shares Sophie's passion for (drinking) wine.
- Luke, 33, who works as a business culture consultant and made a good first impression.
Fast forward to the end of Thursday night's episode and we really only have one.
Why? Well, despite holding the Double Delight Rose, Sam has shown some signs he's quite insecure. That sense of humour he showed in the first night has also taken him to a place we're really not comfortable with. That undies run we can forgive. Checking out her boobs and making the joke "I've been in a house full of guys, what do you expect?" - not okay.
Meanwhile, Jarrod went from caring, baby-wanting front-runner to Single White Female pretty soon after his single date. We all want a guy whose is keen on us, but there is such a thing as too keen, too early. That slip of the tongue at the cocktail party that he's going to marry Sophie? Red flag.
So what we're left with is Luke, who seems nice, but is so far yet to show anything special. Basically Luke is winning by default right now. The last Bachelor left standing, declaring his love for Sophie in an exotic location, should not end up there by default.
The person we really feel sorry for in all this is Sophie. Sophie who should have had her pick of any number of great guys - just like Georgia Love did. Last year's Bachelorette had her pick of Fireman Cam, her one-true-love Lee, the next Bachelor Matty, and Brisbane sweetie Jake.
Sophie should have a hot, age-appropriate fireman. We've seen the calendars, we know they're out there.
We just hope we're proved wrong and one of the men we've overlooked sweeps Sophie off her feet.
Or that Apollo takes his shirt off again - it's the very least Sophie deserves for her trouble.
Do you think any of these Bachelors are worthy of Sophie's heart?