fashion

The seven emotional stages of trying (and failing) to avoid Black Friday sales.

Hi Iconic / ASOS / sale alert addicts.

My name is Jessica and I have a problem.

Since roughly 3pm yesterday I have been trying to avoid these darn Black Friday sales. Between now and midnight on Sunday, my resolve is crumbling. I am weak.

Globalisation has a lot to answer for. Despite never having ever seen a turkey in real life, let alone a whole one on a dinner table accompanied by cranberry sauce, tater tots, and sweet potato casserole (or so I’ve learnt via American TV), Black Friday sales have permeated our Australian consciousness.

However this year, it’s going beyond the viral videos of crazed American shoppers, Black Friday is officially here and in our inboxes. The Iconic is at 30%, ASOS is doing a sitewide 20% discount, Priceline is already going gangbusters with 50% off all makeup.

It’s a tough time for bank accounts everywhere.

However, if you’re like me and trying, oh so much, to avoid everything, in solidarity, and a meagre attempt at self-restraint and control, here are the seven stages of emotional turmoil that is avoiding black Friday.

Maybe you’re feeling it too?

LISTEN: Stylist Sarah Elizabeth Turner on the wardrobe staples of every stylish person. Post continues after audio.

1. Denial

The emails are coming in, but with your laser-like focus, and determination to save your pennies, they go straight to the rubbish bin. Out of sight, out of mind.
You unfortunately catch a sliver of ‘30% off’ in the email title.

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2. Find your people

The excitement is bubbling, friends are sending you texts with way too many emojis, and you can hear a muttering in the office…

“Did you hear ASOS is having a sale?”
“Should I get that lippie from Sephora”
“Omg, I just bought the cutest PJs from Peter Alexander”

RESIST. These are not your people. Find a fellow group of penny-pinchers. Sit with them at lunch, do not associate with anyone else. Embargo the words sale, discount, and all online retail names in a 10 metre radius.

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3. AVOID AVOID AVOID

Enter your personal cone of silence. Call in sick, put your phone on airplane mode, actually wear those noise-cancelling earphones that you got at Duty Free before you went to Thailand. Go offline… go outside?

Get creative with your avoidance methods, aka conscious distraction. Learn a new hobby, get really into Candy Crush, deep dive into work.

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4. Bargaining.

Look, you’re only human, and it’s important to remind yourself that while on this journey of frugality you might falter, what matters is you continue marching and fighting the good fight against 30% off full price at Cotton On and Typo.

At this point you might be loading curating a cart. Remind yourself that you’re strictly window shopping.

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5. Encourage and Reinforce

In order to keep you on the straight and narrow, here are some notes of wisdom from some thrifty Mamamia office staff.

“Don’t go online. Next resort: Set yourself a time limit of two websites and five minutes each. In that time stick everything you want in your basket and then log off for 24 hours” – Saengtip Kirk

“Limit yourself to ONLY things on your Christmas list. If you have to get them anyway, crazy to ignore a good sale!” – Rachel Wagner

“There’s one – don’t listen to other people’s encouragement (harder said than done)” – Saengtip Kirk (again, because she gives really good advice).

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6. TRIGGERED

Bloody Trina from accounting is telling the office about her new Body Shop body butter and it does smell delicious. And it was 50% off, and now you’re thinking… why am I policing myself so hard? You could just get one body butter… do some Christmas shopping… buy a few things… but return half of it… just try it on for size, and see if the style suits…

Oh no.

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7. INEVITABLE FAILURE…

… but failure is a state of mind, so I’m relabelling this as acceptance. You give in, because discount codes are an all consuming force, but hey… you were probably going to get that jumpsuit for full price, and now it’s 30% off. Good job.

Now denizens of the internet. DO.I.NEED.THIS.DRESS?

…it’s already on it’s way here. Praise be The Iconic’s three hour delivery.

Sorry.

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However, if you’re actually someone who has the resolve to successfully avoid 30% off codes…

1. Well done, you are a better person than I.
2. Please tell us how in the comments below. We need help.

LISTEN: The Well – Can you ever comment on someone else’s clothes?

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