Well here we go, with yet another really, really difficult post to press publish on.
Let’s start with saying that this probably isn’t the story that you were expecting. I’m going to talk about pregnancy, miscarriage, and termination. The last thing I want is for this to turn into a debate. And believe me, all of the judgement and nasty things you may be thinking about me by the end of this post – I can guarantee that I’ve already thought it about myself.
This post isn’t to justify what happened, or to look for support from other people. I only hope that it can reach someone whose feeling as lost, hurt and confused as I was, and give them the sense of acceptance and understanding that they’re looking for.
So where do I begin?
I’ll take you back to the end of August 2017. Things were looking really good for our little family of four. We had a big month of birthday celebrations to look forward to in September, the kids were getting along great, Cooper had started sleeping through the night, and Nick and I had a new found spark in our relationship.
We had been working so hard to get to this place, and were finally so happy – everything seemed to be looking up for us! Part of the reason why Nick and I were doing so great, was because I’d just had my Mirena IUD (birth control) taken out, and at the risk of sharing TMI, I finally had my sex drive back!
I had my Mirena inserted after we’d had Cooper, and whilst it was great at not letting me fall pregnant, I had gotten to a point where after YEARS of being either on hormonal contraception, pregnant or breastfeeding, I wanted to give my body a break.