'She should cut out carbs.' A nurse told my daughter to lose weight. She's two.

As told to Hannah Vanderheide.

I was sitting with my chatty little two-year-old at our check up with the Maternal & Child Health Nurse (MCH). She seemed to be ticking all of the boxes for a thriving toddler of her age, so I was feeling relaxed and confident about her development.

That was at least, until we got to her diet.

Watch: Parents of Toddlers: Translated. Story continues after video.

“You should cut out all fruit and carbs,” the nurse told me. “And if you’re giving her milk, you may as well be feeding her a bowl of ice cream before bed.”

This was after we had recorded her weight and height. And you might be thinking I must feed my toddler absolute garbage to have triggered this sort of advice. But to be clear, that's not the case at all. My little one has always been a great eater - if you popped a curry down in front of her, she'd eat it. Chicken stir fry? Gobbled up. Our meals have always been balanced and nutritious, and sugar is not banned by any means, but it has generally been kept to a minimum in our house – in fact, the only sweet foods she has regularly is fruit. 

So, to be told to cut fruit and other carbohydrates out entirely, limit dairy, and eliminate sugar, was a bit shocking.

What felt worse was the implication that the way I feed my child, something I’ve always felt good about, could be hurting her. The nurse told me I should consider the food pyramid and revise what my toddler was eating, so that it didn't have a lasting impact on her health.

I should mention that I am someone who absolutely loves to get advice. In the early days, I'd cross-reference tips for getting my baby to sleep through the night with at least 6-8 people. When shopping, I check with approximately half of my phone contacts which colour jeans I should buy, and I welcome people’s opinions on important topics like the pros and cons of oat milk. I truly love advice, and in case it isn’t obvious, I'm really open to it.

But my experiences with the MCH have been a real mixed bag. On the one hand, I'm incredibly thankful that I have access to a service that checks in on new mums – it’s an indescribably vulnerable time, so the more support there is, the better. How lucky we are to live in a place where that's free and available to everyone. And I know several people who have had wonderful experiences with their visits. But I also know that I have often left those appointments, as have a number of my friends, feeling anxious and stressed that my child hadn't met a very specific milestone - which would inevitably fill me with dread that this would have bigger implications for them later in life.

This was one such visit.

I'm not proud to be using this as a sort of defence, but I think what I found most triggering this time, was the fact that my child's weight was around the 70th percentile. It made me wonder what parents with children who measure higher on this scale are being told. Frankly, I'd prefer not to know what percentile my child’s weight sits in, because unless there is something obviously wrong with her, I'm not entirely clear why we're measuring it.

What percentile would we be happy with? And does that sort of standard set us all up to fail when they fall a margin above or below it? Bodies, especially children’s bodies, are meant to grow and change, and I certainly don’t agree with the concept of limiting a child’s access to certain food groups based on their bodyweight.

Listen to This Glorious Mess, On this episode, Leigh and Tegan brought some of their own tricks for helping make sure your kids are getting a balanced meal, whatever that might take! Post continues below.

Personally, I don't think we need to worry about what percentile a child is. There are a lot of big, real problems in the world - and what percentile your two-year-old is for weight is absolutely not one of them. Not to mention the fact that restricting a child’s diet from an early age has been linked directly to the onset of eating disorders later in life.

I’m lucky to have a great group of sensible, and supportive parents around me, so I was quickly able to laugh the situation off. I think most parents can agree a child's diet can't consist of meat and vegetables only. Can you imagine the scene at dinner tables if that was the case? I’m confident in my parenting and in my understanding of basic nutrition so I won't be introducing a fruit ban anytime soon. But this advice still threw me for a loop, and I worry about what it might do for someone in a more vulnerable position than mine.

Despite my mixed experiences, I have no doubt that the MCH nurses provide a truly essential service, and I believe that they do a lot of good. But it’s important that we talk about it when there is a risk for real harm. And we can’t ignore the responsibility that medical professionals have to deliver helpful and unbiased information to new parents.

Feature Image: Getty