BY ZOE FOSTER
No time? Roots? Dirty hair? There’s a solution for that.
Unlike the smug, singing women portrayed in Disney movies, our hair is not always thick and luscious and swingy and alluring. Which is frustrating, but also dealable-with. Unless you’re also pre-menstrual and low on blood sugar, in which case it’s Basically The End Of The World.
Here are some very common hair issues, and some of the simple fixes I use with heedless abandon. This, as you can imagine, is a real sight to behold, because a woman without heed is indeed a terrifying thing.
1. Your roots (really) need doing but you’re not getting them done for a while yet.
The fix depends on where your roots are. My hairdresser applies my foils in a side part, so for me to flip my part (my usual advice for root-disguising) or go for a centre part, or even a fully slicked back look isn’t that great a look. In fact, it’s worse.
As such my first line of defence is always to spray in either dry shampoo, which immediately masks the darkness, (blonde hair always looks blonder when it’s clean) and fluff it up a bit. Or, if it’s real bad, like the original balayage, (“roots”) not the cool modern one (“ombre”), I mist a texture spray/sea salt/beach hair spray all over my hair while it’s flipped upside down, and then blast it with the hair dryer on high heat for 30 seconds. This musses it all up and adds a deliberate looking piecey-ness and grit that makes it look I am cooler than I actually am, and that the roots are “intentional.” Pulling it up into a top-knot/very high bun is usually the best move from here.
If it’s more of a greys issue, or you have lighter roots coming through, you have some great options to more genuinely fool people into thinking you don’t need your colour done, or have no greys, because you are a vibrant young plum, thank you very much. There’s Clairol’s Root Touch Up, which takes ten minzos to do and is pretty foolproof, or “hair mascara” like Kiss Brush-In Colour, which you, uh, brush in. (Only available in brown and black shades, though.) Some women use brown mascara, but I just don’t think I can endorse that.
2. You need your hair to look “fancy” in a flash because you have minus fifteen minutes to get ready.
Grab a fistful of mousse and drag and mash and rake it through your hair. Now, dry off with a hair dryer on high heat. Take your curling tong or styler and do about 5-10 big curls all over the head, randomly and furiously and quickly. Pay little heed as to where. WE ARE HEEDLESS WOMEN, REMEMBER! Spray with hair spray lightly and leave to set. Do your makeup as they cool for five minutes. Now, comb your fingers through all curls. Shake them out and marvel at the instant volume and body. Finally, scrape back your hair loosely (in whichever part you fancy, or just back cleanly) and tie into a loose pony mid to low on the back of your head. Take the ‘pony’ bit and (bobby) pin pieces of it into a fancy bun, chignon thing. The wispier and more bulbous the better. Gently wisp a few pieces out around your face too, if you feel it will make you look even more enchanting. Add interesting earrings or neckpiece to jazz up. Well. Look at you, jazzy!