When I was about 16, I bolted downstairs, very excited to open my (sizeable) present under the Christmas tree.
I had given my mother very clear instructions about what I wanted that year.
Perfume. Makeup. A scented candle. Clothes. Jewellery. Stationary.
But something about that big, rectangular box had me intrigued.
It felt heavy and expensive.
As I ripped it open and saw what was inside, I think I might’ve gone into a state of… shock.
It was a blender. For, well, milkshakes.
I didn’t really like milkshakes. Never have.
But, my mother’s logic was that I’d recently started working at Boost so maybe I would like my own blender and… I still don’t fully understand.
LISTEN: What’s the perfect Christmas present?
Women have shared on Reddit the worst Christmas gifts they’ve ever received, and they make my stupid blender look like goddamn diamonds.
Here are the eight best.
- “Weight Watchers books and a self help book. I was 11.”
- “My mum got me size zero jeans. I’m a size six. When I looked at her, confused, she smugly said ‘Oh, I know you’re not that thin, but these are something to work towards!'”
- “A ceramic skull ashtray. I’ve never smoked.”
- “A bottle of wine (I don’t drink wine) with my father’s name on it and labelled ‘to help you enjoy retirement’.”
- “Our whole family was gifted 20 cans of SPAM. Needless to say the SPAM was fed to our dog and we stopped talking to her for awhile…”
- “A bottle of BBQ sauce. I have no outward affection for BBQ sauce or even mentioned that I like it. It was as if they forgot it was Christmas and just grabbed something from the pantry…”
- “Peanut M&Ms dispenser. My own mother forgot about my nut allergy that year.”
- “I got a book called ‘How to Handle Autism.'”
From this list we can identify some basic Christmas present rules.
Do not use a gift to tell someone that you think they are a) overweight or b) living with a mental illness. That is both unkind and unnecessary.
Furthermore, no one wants discounted supermarket items that were clearly purchased on the way to the event.
If, literally hours out from Christmas Day, you still haven’t bought someone a present, just jump onto Red Balloon or the like and buy them an experience.
There is no excuse for giving someone an M&Ms dispenser.