By ROSIE WATERLAND
Nobody panic but… ACTUALLY EVERYBODY PANIC.
The world is running out of chocolate. REPEAT: The world is actually, seriously, running out of freaking chocolate.
Bloomberg are reporting what major chocolate manufacturers have known for a while: that we are all massive chocolate pigs and the demand for sweet, sweet cocoa is stripping the earth of all its natural cocoa resources. In other words… WE ARE EATING MORE CHOCOLATE THAN THE CHOCOLATE MAKERS CAN PROVIDE AND SOON IT WILL RUN OUT AND WE WILL BE LIVING IN A THUNDERDOME-STYLE UNIVERSE WHERE CHOCOLATE IS TRADED ON THE BLACK MARKET LIKE GOLD.
Or something like that.
Here’s some actual, non-hysterical information from Bloomberg:
Because of disease, drought, rapacious new markets and the displacement of cacao by more-productive crops such as corn and rubber, demand is expected to outstrip supply by an additional 1 million tons every decade for the foreseeable future.
And then this:
As this future year unfolds, the gap between how much cocoa the world wants to consume and how much it can produce will swell to 1 million metric tons, according to Mars Inc. and Barry Callebaut AG (BARN), the world’s largest chocolate maker. By 2030, the predicted shortfall will grow to 2 million tons. And so on.
So basically, if we don’t calm the fuck down with our chocolate consumption, the supply is going to dwindle decade by decade, until future generations don’t even know what a goddamn Twix is.
Forgive me, but I don’t think it’s hyperbole to assert that this may be a crisis on par with climate change.
There is apparently hope in a new ‘engineered’ breed of cocoa, but that kind of just reminds me of square watermelons and scared little lab mice with ears on their backs.
The only real cocoa is cocoa. And it’s running out. May holy Oprah have mercy on us all.