It can be really tough working in an office full of women.
Thanks to Google Maps, more and more of them are managing to navigate their way into workplaces these days, but unfortunately their tiny brains still make it difficult for them to complete simple tasks… so efficiency is way down, pretty much nationwide.
That budget black hole? Women’s fault, probably.
Earlier this week, the menfolk over at Nova 100 aired their hilarious grievances about the overpopulation of women in their professional environment- “It’s like the Mamamia office in here!”, they chortled into their big man-sized microphones.
Okay. Look. I didn’t actually hear the segment, but I imagine it went something along these lines:
Outdated stereotype, chuckle, something something ironing, go type another opinion piece in your underpants MAMAMIA.
I wish I could understand the joke, but I was actually born without a sense of humour. I think that’s carried on the Y chromosome?
ANYWAY, luckily it’s No Pants Friday (a new weekly initiative I’ve just implemented right this second) so I’ve cast my jeans to one side in order to pen a quick post to let them know THEY ARE 100% RIGHT.
These are just SOME of the ridiculous things I have to put up with because our office is FULL* of women. (*Disclaimer: Only about 95% of our staff identify as female. Soz, Ben.)
1. Sometimes my keyboard stops working because it is clogged with feathers from all the pillow-fighting.
2. All of our periods have now synced up so we only operate at full capacity about 21 days in the month. The brave souls who make it to their desks can usually only manage about half their workloads around all the hysterical crying. It’s rough.
3. We always go to the bathroom in groups, which takes up A LOT of time.
4. I couldn’t remember number four because hormones.
5. It’s really tough getting anything done before 11am too, because I have to help out with making sandwiches for the whole office. (Oh no! I couldn’t possibly eat one… I’m on a diet, silly.)
6. I sometimes find it hard to concentrate because on top of bleeding from my uterus, I’m also bleeding from the stab wounds in my back.
7. I am ALWAYS sweating because of the open firepit in the centre of the office where we routinely burn our bras. It’s fuelled by an effigy of Kyle Sandilands. Oh, and our hopes and dreams.
8. I sometimes struggle to concentrate when it rains cause we smashed that glass ceiling. Sigh.
9. Which brings me to my next problem. THE OFFICE IS FALLING APART because no one knows how to fix anything.
10. OH GOD ALL THE SQUEALING. I’m pretty much deaf now.
11. The whole office actually just goes home sick sometimes when our collective “ovaries explode” looking at a pictures of Ryan Gosling with small furry animals. Oh My God. Just thinking about it is making me cramp up.
In all seriousness though, working with a lot of women is actually great. Admittedly, we do sometimes fawn over small children and eat delicious baked goods. But we are not one mind. We have diverse talents, diverse interests and diverse opinions. One thing we do share is a strong work ethic. We work hard, we support each other and for some fucked reason heaps of us are obsessed with The Bachelor.
In a society where the vast majority of structures and events marginalise women, it’s pretty effing cool to work somewhere that doesn’t.
We almost always wear pants.