An office is a funny place.
Think about it. We spend a huge chunk of our lives cooped up for around eight hours a day with a plethora of people that we are forced to get along with (even though you’d rather cut your left pinky off than deal with Karen from accounting in the real world).
We’ve sussed out the 10 types of peeps you’ll generally encounter in every workplace, including the ones you have to restrain yourself from strangling on a daily basis.
The Lunch Thief
There’s nothing worse than holding out all day for your expertly-crafted turkey and Swiss cheese sandwich, only to realise after a frantic search across the fridge that someone has devastatingly STOLEN your meal.
In-f**king-furiating doesn’t even begin to describe this kind of person. The absolute audacity of someone to brazenly nick your meal is beyond me. An act so boorish not only leaves you hungry, it makes you angry. It makes you HANGRY, and hell has no fury like a hangry woman.
The Corporate Jargon Enthusiast
Rather than speak like a normal human being, these people like to use shitty buzzwords like ‘synergy’ and ‘ping’ and ‘under the pump’ and will ask you to ‘touch base’, and to ‘take it offline’.
News flash: you sound like a cheesy PowerPoint presentation, stop that.
The Stinky Food Eater
You don’t even need to see this person to know they’re around, cos you’ll smell it first. And by ‘smell’, I mean more of a ‘full-blown assault on the nostrils’. This type will constantly bring lunches that reek, all while being blissfully ignorant of the disdain their putrid reheated fish is causing for everyone that’s unlucky enough to be within its stinky radius.
Listen: There are 4 types of people in the world. What you do with your office mug will tell you what you are. (Post continues after audio…)
The Overly Passionate Luncher
We’ve all been this person at one point in life.
To be fair, lunch is usually the one part of the day that we look forward to, and probably the only thing holding us together for the first half of the working day. These kinds of people will always ask what you’re having for lunch and pride themselves on being in the know about the best place to get a cracker of a sanga.
The Office Gossip
Every workplace without fail will have at least one of these. They’re the first to know what’s going on in everyone’s personal lives, and won’t hesitate to tell anyone within earshot about the latest ~hot goss~.