Includes helpful tips like “don’t have bratty kids” and “CHEAT”.
Last night I trod on an upturned domino. You do not know the pain of this until it happens to you. I can only just begin to talk about it now.
It was Mrs Incredible.
If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you are clearly not a parent of small children and your house, unlike mine, is not littered with tiny white rectangles, threatening sanity and bare feet everywhere.
If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you are living in some kind of utopia where you’re not spending your waking moments teaching toddlers how to open little tiny packets with their teeth, dealing with the disappointment of getting the chef from Ratatoullie (again) and smiling so hard at the hard-working supermarket checkout person that they think you’re into swinging.
If you don’t know what I am talking about, you have not been indoctrinated into the cult that is the Woolworths Domino Stars.
An obsession that has seen Facebook groups set up for suburb-wide swapsies with rules like ‘think of others. If you have already completed your set, please still collect and pass them on’ – and where black-market cartoon characters change hands for $3 a pop.
If you don’t know what I’m talking about, it’s this: Right now, if you spend $20 at Woolies, they will give you one – one – Disney Pixar Domino. A tiny plastic slab with domino dots on one side, a Pixar cartoon character on the other.
There are 44 of them (but you just keep getting the same 5 over and over until you’ve lost your mind). Forty-four. And if you’re particularly
sad committed, you can buy yourself your kids a special case to put them in, or even a commemorative tin, to forever mark that time in your life where the harmony of your house depended on whether it was Buzz Lightyear or Eve from Wall.E inside a tiny purple packet.