Here are some things I have achieved today: I wrestled my hair into a bun after a disastrous pincurl experiment last night. I applied an almost-even line of liquid eyeliner. I got up from my seat on the train for an elderly man. I ingeniously used a microwave to make scrambled eggs. I contemplated my life choices.
It’s not even 9am yet.
I realise these achievements pale in comparison to those of other women – say, those who completed similar feats before coffee and with the addition of children.
However, when you add the daily accomplishments of women everywhere – from pulling off sequinned trackpants to creating, then sustaining human life with our own bodies – you realise that women are pretty great. We never stop. We keep everything spinning. And for that, we deserve a goddamn medal — or at least a lot of ice-cream.
Here are some more reasons we women need to be less self-deprecating, and more filled with self-admiration.
1. We’re incredible communicators.
Women are always being told we need to stop apologising, be more straight-talking, don’t add things like, “if that makes sense” to the end of sentences. But you know what? Women speak fewer words than men in a day, and we use them much more effectively.
Research has shown that men “have a weaker command of language in social situations, use the same words repeatedly and pay unconvincing compliments,” while women have “superior communication skills” and “use a wider variety of words in social situations.” So you know what? I think I’ll keep talking just exactly how I like. If that makes sense.
2. We had the self-confidence to rock scrunchies, and the self-awareness to know when it was time to say goodbye.
Ditto for teased fringes, hipster jeans, and those teeny, tiny little backpacks that could only fit a wallet and single slim tampon.
3. We are always first to be rescued off sinking ships.
Women and children first, men! We came out of the Titanic situation better than most, because, as everyone knows, women are indispensable.