For a number of years I’ve since tried to wipe from my memory, I worked at weddings.
I’m not very good at maths, but if I worked at a wedding almost every Saturday night for approximately five years, I believe that equates to roughly one million weddings.
As a result, I’m in the unique position to let you in on a little secret.
It’s about Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s wedding. The one watched by two billion people. With the dress. And the five metre veil. And the gap-toothed children.
That wedding, my friends, was a lie.
Let me count the ways.
1. Everyone was on time.
If there's one thing human beings can always be trusted with, it's a) rudeness, and b) chaos.
Once you choose a group of people to attend your wedding, the probability is that a percentage of those people will have a fundamental misunderstanding of how time works and will either arrive at the event at the last minute, or sneak in a few minutes late.