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Confession: "I spend $3650 per year on coffee, and I'm not sorry."

There are nine reasons why I refuse to feel bad about my addiction.

This is how a regular day works for me:

6am: Wake up. ‘I would pay serious cash to go back to bed and sleep forever. Why, oh why, do I ever do anything but sleep? Why?!’

6.30am: A piccolo coffee. $3. ‘I have so much energy. I can conquer the wooooooorld.’

8.30am-10am: ‘I’m so tired, I don’t know if I’m going to make it through the day, maybe I’ll take a quick nap under my desk/in the loo/in the service lift.’

10.30am: Large double-shot coffee. $4. ‘I feel awesome today, so alive. Come at me, day.’

12pm: ‘I would kill for another coffee right now. Ok, not kill, but I’d do something drastic, like shave my head or eat five kilos of raw kale.’

12.30pm: Regular coffee. $3. ‘Shit, I have spent $10 on coffee today. Whoops. I most definitely will never ever spend that much on coffee in a single day ever again.’

Next day: Repeat all of the above.

Do you know how much $1o per day on coffee equals over the course of a year? An eff tonne, that’s how much. $3,650 to be precise.

I can feel your judgement, but come on, we all have our vices. And even if you only have a single coffee each day (I realise my three-a-day habit is a bit, er, excessive), you’re still dropping over a grand a year. Isn’t that fun fact.

There’s nothing better than a good coffee when you desperately want one. Nothing. I’m an addict, it’s true, and I’m well-aware that my addiction costs me a whole lotta money.

But. #sorrynotsorry

Read the below and I bet you’ll understand why I refuse to be ashamed. Refuse, I tell you.

1. It gives you an unparalleled (legal) high.

Short of sniffing/injecting/smoking drugs (not office-friendly), I can’t think of another substance that supercharges you the way coffee does. You can feel like you’ve been dragged behind a train for 20kms, then one shot of coffee later you feel as if you’ve injected eight hours sleep and most-competent-woman-alive potion straight into your brain.

2. It makes you a nicer person, more able to cope with life.

It’s like a pep talk in a cup. Coffee never yells at you or makes you feel bad.

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3. It’s one of the best ways to catch up with people.

The all-time best catch-ups with friends include wine (obviously), but you get strange looks when you roll into the pub at 10.17am on a Tuesday — so coffee is the next best option. Yes, I could have a green tea or chai latte on coffee dates, but yuk. It’s also an excellent way to see someone for a nice time but not a long time – it take a solid hour to get through a meal, only 20 mins to chug a coffee.

4. I don’t smoke (or shoot up crack).

Saving money on that front. Everyone has their crutches.

5. The coffee run is a mental health break.

Sometimes you really just need to step out of the office for a little while. Coffee = perfect reason.

Listen to Holly Wainwright rave about her coffee Keep-Cup (they’re the greatest), on Mamamia Out Loud. Post continues after audio.

6. Exercise would never, ever happen without it.

Seriously. I don’t know how anyone vigorously moves their limbs without caffeine coursing through their veins. Pre-coffee: legs feel like two stiff wooden blocks. Post-coffee: Usain Bolt, I see you.

7. I owe my whole career to coffee.

Legit.

8. Science agrees with me, coffee is very excellent for your health.

A study from the Harvard School of Public Health found that women who drink four or more cups of coffee per day have 20 per cent lower chance of developing depression later in life. What’s that? Science says I should up my intake to four cups? Well, ok then.

9. And it doesn’t stop there…

Even just smelling coffee can make you a less stressed-out person. Researchers from Seoul’s National University, found that when rats smelt coffee beans, genes connected to stress reduction were activated. No, I’m not a rat, but I’ll claim this one.

And before you even start… no, making it yourself is not the same (don’t swear at me like that).

I’m off to spend my life savings on a coffee now. (Fellow coffee enthusiasts, please share this with the world and show them it’s ok we love coffee as much as one of our siblings. You know which one.)

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