There are nine reasons why I refuse to feel bad about my addiction.
This is how a regular day works for me:
6am: Wake up. ‘I would pay serious cash to go back to bed and sleep forever. Why, oh why, do I ever do anything but sleep? Why?!’
8.30am-10am: ‘I’m so tired, I don’t know if I’m going to make it through the day, maybe I’ll take a quick nap under my desk/in the loo/in the service lift.’
10.30am: Large double-shot coffee. $4. ‘I feel awesome today, so alive. Come at me, day.’
12pm: ‘I would kill for another coffee right now. Ok, not kill, but I’d do something drastic, like shave my head or eat five kilos of raw kale.’
12.30pm: Regular coffee. $3. ‘Shit, I have spent $10 on coffee today. Whoops. I most definitely will never ever spend that much on coffee in a single day ever again.’
Next day: Repeat all of the above.
Do you know how much $1o per day on coffee equals over the course of a year? An eff tonne, that’s how much. $3,650 to be precise.
I can feel your judgement, but come on, we all have our vices. And even if you only have a single coffee each day (I realise my three-a-day habit is a bit, er, excessive), you’re still dropping over a grand a year. Isn’t that fun fact.
There’s nothing better than a good coffee when you desperately want one. Nothing. I’m an addict, it’s true, and I’m well-aware that my addiction costs me a whole lotta money.
Read the below and I bet you’ll understand why I refuse to be ashamed. Refuse, I tell you.
1. It gives you an unparalleled (legal) high.
Short of sniffing/injecting/smoking drugs (not office-friendly), I can’t think of another substance that supercharges you the way coffee does. You can feel like you’ve been dragged behind a train for 20kms, then one shot of coffee later you feel as if you’ve injected eight hours sleep and most-competent-woman-alive potion straight into your brain.
2. It makes you a nicer person, more able to cope with life.
It’s like a pep talk in a cup. Coffee never yells at you or makes you feel bad.