As a parent, I spend way more time cleaning and tidying than I ever did before I had Children.
In fact, the average mother spends more than a month out of every year cleaning. Yet anyone visiting my house would assume it had been rented out to a flock of feral goats.
Children are, to put it bluntly, weapons of mass destruction. They destroy things that are expensive. They destroy things that are irreplaceable. They destroy things you thought were unbreakable. Nothing is safe.
Here is a brief list of some of the things my children have destroyed.
1. The back door. My daughter decided to scratch a heart into the wood, along with her name and mine. Terrible… or terribly cute. Haven’t quite decided.
2. The carpet in the dining room. I can identify the stains: the tub of tomato paste my son elbowed onto the ground, the bowl of yoghurt that landed upside down, the glass of red wine that got knocked over. Ah, memories.
3. The bathroom cabinet. Slightly warped after my son played too many games of “tidal wave” in a very full bath.
4. My boobs. That’s okay. They got plenty of use.
5. The wooden floor in the living room. I loved the look of floorboards until I had to try to clean vomit out of the tiny gaps between them.