couples

Is it normal that... I don't want my ex to be in the delivery room.

When this woman’s husband left her halfway through her first pregnancy, she was heartbroken. Now, she’s about to have her baby, and she doesn’t want him there. What should she do? 

 
My husband and I were already having serious problems before I fell pregnant. He was working long hours and had become distant. I tried everything… romantic dinners, giving him space, buying him his favourite foods…nothing worked.

When I told him I was pregnant he seemed excited but sad at the same time. I felt sick. He said he was happy about the baby but he didn’t want to talk about it very much. While I poured over books and information and went baby clothes shopping he seemed pensive.

It was after my 20 week ultrasound that he sat me down for a talk.

He said he wasn’t in love with me and didn’t want to be married to me any more. I couldn’t breathe.

Apparently he’d been planning to leave me before I fell pregnant but when I told him I was, he realised he couldn’t risk my health and our child’s health. He talked to his family (they knew!) and decided to wait until I had my 20-week ultrasound before he broke up with me. He seemed to want credit for that. I wanted to kill him.

I’m ashamed to say I begged for him to say. “We’re having a baby, I love you” I told him while he packed, in front of me, like I was trapped in a ridiculously bad movie.

Now I’m due in a couple of weeks and it’s been the most difficult period of my life. I’ve never felt so alone but replacing the sadness is anger. I feel like he not only dumped me, but our child too.

He insists it’s not the case. He wants to be as involved as possible in our child’s life. I’m not sure how he expects that to work out but I appreciate he wants to be part of his child’s life and I’ll do my best to be the bigger person and accommodate him.

But there’s one thing I won’t let him do. There is no way that he’s going to be in the delivery room for the birth of our baby.

He dumped me. There’s no way he’s going to be in the delivery room..

My mum thinks I’m wrong. “He’s the father! He has the right to be present at the birth of his own child!” I think she thinks him being there will bring us closer and perhaps prompt him to look into my eyes, the mother of his child, and fall back in love with me. I KNOW that’s not going to happen.

I feel so upset, so betrayed by him. How can I have him in there, holding my hand, feeding me ice chips? The man who broke my heart?

I want to give birth in peace, as stress free as possible. I want to give birth to a healthy child without worrying that he is there, not with me, not loving me.

Do I have a right to ban my ex-husband from the delivery room? He says he has a right to be present for the birth of his child and my mum agrees. Do they have a point?

* Names have been changed to protect this family’s identity.

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