Okay women, I’ve got good news and bad news.
First, the good news: they’ve figured out how to fix the gender pay gap.
I mean, it should be pretty straightforward, right? Don’t discriminate against your workers on the basis of their gender, yeah?
Well, it’s not, apparently, which brings me to the bad news: fixing it is going to take 118 years.
So, um, you’ll be dead. Cough.
Anyway, according to the World Economic Forum’s yearly gender gap report, the pay gap between men and women (which in Australia currently means we earn an average $300 a week less than our male counterparts) is likely to close in 2133.
As it turns out, progress on closing the gap has actually stalled in recent years, despite more women entering the workforce globally.
In several countries, more women are going to university than men, but this still isn’t translating into more women occupying skilled roles or leadership positions and won’t until a global cultural shift occurs in the way we divvy up our domestic labour.
Yes, things are changing, but slowly, in fact, probably more slowly than our masses of ice are melting (climate change, amirite?).
To be honest, 118 years is a long bloody time and here’s just a few of the things we can look forward to before being paid fairly.
1. Two full terms of Kanye West’s presidency (and his inevitable death).
2. Jude Law becoming completely bald (before also dying).
3. Self-driving cars outnumbering regular cars and putting an end to sobriety.
4. People living on Mars.
5. Adele selling [insert absurdly large number] albums (RIP Adele).
6. About another 90 or so Ausralian Prime Ministers? I don’t know, I’m not a mathematician.
7. That robot apocalypse Stephen Hawking predicted.
8. Kate Middleton being declared pregnant another 67258459474975 times.
9. Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez finally GETTING IT THE F*CK TOGETHER.
10. The Beiber baby (baby baby).
Obviously there will be any number or technological breakthroughs, social advances and celebrity babies I can’t possibly conceive of right now, I do have one question though: will the robots get paid more than women?