Hello, dearest reader people.

I needn’t tell you that our collective favourite night of the year is fast approaching.

You know the one – where genetically flawless, size-six, tan women strut down a catwalk in angel wings and knickers.

Aren’t you all wetting your sparkly, trillion dollar fantasy g-bangers in excitement?! I know I am! I mean, who says being made to feel like a human jacket potato isn’t a great way to spend your time? Not me! SIGN ME AND MY PASTA-CONSUMING TUMMY UP FOR ALL THE SOUL-CRUSHING GUILT, PLEASE!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho ho, such fun. Such self-confidence boosting, pro-body-diversity fun.

Gushy positives aside, let’s focus on what wereallywanna see on this year’s Victoria’s Secret catwalk, which is set to grace our screens on December 5.

Got that, Victoria’s Secret production staff? I’m literally begging you this year. I AM BEGGING YOU.

What would you add to the list? Let us know in the comments…