Image via iStock.
There’s so much garbage out there when it comes to relationship advice. I think it’s because most people want the quick fix. There are, however no quick fixes – especially when it comes to relationships.
There’s a popular line of thinking out there that the way to a woman’s heart is to buy her things, “the more expensive the better.”
While it’s brilliant marketing by the jewellery companies, there’s one gift I’ve found that trumps any kind of material good every single time.
In fact, every time I give this gift to my wife she falls more and more in love with me. It works every time, no matter how many times I give her this same gift.
What’s this gift you ask? What’s the thing that I can give her every time that’s more precious than anything material?
Watch: Advice for dating in your forties. (Post continues after video.)
Presence. That’s right: the best gift you can give your partner is your unwavering, commanding presence.
But what is presence, really? It’s a word that’s often tossed around a lot these days, but what does it really mean?
Presence, for me, means being able to generate attention to something without anything else getting in the way and disrupting my ability to do so.
In other words, I’m focused on one thing and only one thing. My mind is quiet, without thoughts, every action is in service to the object of my attention. Nothing can distract me from what I am focused on.
There’s something specifically that happens to a woman when the man she loves is able to be fully present with her in the moment.
Now this might seem crazy for a lot of men out there – especially given what we are brought up to believe by the media and socialisation, that the way to her heart is through ‘things’ and that we need to constantly prove our love to them by buying them what we think they want.
And maybe, because of what we are indoctrinated with at a young age, is why women love a man who is able to be present in the moment with them. Many single women I know have talked about how they yearn for a man who can be present with them on dates.
When it comes to relationships and marriage, a lot of things can get in the way of us men being present.
I know I’ve certainly been guilty of thinking that other things are more important than the attention I give my wife – things like building my business so that we can have a secure future, or focused on the doings of day-to-day life. Things that are, by their very nature important to me and should be, but oftentimes can get in the way of me taking the time to really sit down and be with my wife. (Post continues after gallery.)
The things you are dealing with in your life are in fact all important things that need to get handled – but often times I’ve done only these things and thought myself a good husband because “I took care of business”. This is the trap that we as men can fall into that we think makes us good partners.
The truth is, that’s only half the equation. All of those things are important and do need to get done, but the other half of it is how much attention can you give your partner and for how long?
A study about why women cheat reveals that most women cheat because they want more sexual passion in their relationship. Presence is one of the big elements that helps create sexual passion inside any relationship.
When you are present in your relationship, you are connected with your partner. And when you are connected with your partner you will be present to the love and passion you have for each other. (So one of the extra benefits of taking on being present is that your partner is less likely to look elsewhere for passion.)
So the next time that you are busy handling everything that’s come on your plate with regards to life, stop and ask yourself: How much time have I spent being present with my partner?
If you answer that question is 'not enough', carve some time out of your schedule to sit and connect.
I promise you it will be well worth your time.
Are you present in your relationships?