Warning: This post is NSFW.
That was the reply the guy I’d been seeing – Tom – gave me, when I asked if he had any fetishes. We were lying in bed, half naked and about to do the deed, when I popped the question.
“There’s just something so dirty about it, you know? It’s hot,” he added, unclasping my bra with a grin.
“What part of the ass are we talking, here..?” I inquired – half scandalised, half intrigued.
“The asshole,” he clarified nonchalantly, sliding my underpants off and flipping me onto my stomach.
As a sex columnist, I like to think of myself as pretty open-minded. I’d even call myself kinky. But I’ve gotta say, the idea of having a tongue anywhere in or around my butthole is not traditionally one that makes my lady parts quiver.
Sure, I’ve written about rim jobs before. Hell, I know just about all there is to know about the ancient art of anilingus (True fact: Mozart wrote about licking one’s bum long before Khia told us to lick her neck, her back, her pussy, and her crack. His piece, Leck mich im Arsch literally translates to ‘Lick me in the ass’. I’m not even kidding). But was I actually ready to have my ass eaten?
I ran through a quick mental inventory of everything I’d eaten that day. No beans or legumes – tick. I had eaten a salad wrap, but it was pretty lacking in fibre – tick. Some fries and a coke…hmm…that gassy guzzle posed a potential threat… OH GOD. What If I farted in his face??! Suddenly my entire life in food was flashing before my eyes.