sex

"A man's request while having sex is not traditionally one that makes my lady parts quiver."

Warning: This post is NSFW. 

“Eating ass.”

That was the reply the guy I’d been seeing – Tom – gave me, when I asked if he had any fetishesWe were lying in bed, half naked and about to do the deed, when I popped the question.

“There’s just something so dirty about it, you know? It’s hot,” he added, unclasping my bra with a grin.

“What part of the ass are we talking, here..?” I inquired – half scandalised, half intrigued.

“The asshole,” he clarified nonchalantly, sliding my underpants off and flipping me onto my stomach.

As a sex columnist, I like to think of myself as pretty open-minded. I’d even call myself kinky. But I’ve gotta say, the idea of having a tongue anywhere in or around my butthole is not traditionally one that makes my lady parts quiver.

Sure, I’ve written about rim jobs before. Hell, I know just about all there is to know about the ancient art of anilingus (True fact: Mozart wrote about licking one’s bum long before Khia told us to lick her neck, her back, her pussy, and her crack. His piece, Leck mich im Arsch literally translates to ‘Lick me in the ass’. I’m not even kidding). But was I actually ready to have my ass eaten?

I ran through a quick mental inventory of everything I’d eaten that day. No beans or legumes – tick. I had eaten a salad wrap, but it was pretty lacking in fibre – tick. Some fries and a coke…hmm…that gassy guzzle posed a potential threat… OH GOD. What If I farted in his face??! Suddenly my entire life in food was flashing before my eyes.

"I’d been in such deep thought about my butthole, I’d momentarily spaced out." (Image: Instagram)
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“Did I freak you out?” came a voice from behind me.

I’d been in such deep thought about my butthole, I’d momentarily spaced out.

“Not at all. I was just thinking about it,” I answered, quickly.

“Does that mean you wanna try it, then?” Tom asked with a sly smile.

“Sure…why not?” I answered, literally praying he’d unfurl a lengthy scroll of reasons not to go ahead.

Nope. There didn’t appear to be any counterarguments. Tom’s face was already buried between my thighs, I could feel his strong hands spreading my butt cheeks apart.

No big deal. So this was happening. A tongue was about to be inside my cake hole. Time to pray to Oprah it would taste of sugar and spice, and all things nice.

Suddenly I felt a trickle of saliva chasing down my crack. Then a wet, warm wriggle around my taint. And…HELLO!

Tom’s tongue was buried deep inside my hole, and it felt…GOOD. Like eating the last remaining scoop of salted caramel at Gelato Messina after waiting in line for an hour for it.

I caught a glimpse of Tom’s face greedily devouring my rear in his mirrored bedroom robe. A rush of pleasure chased through my body. And with that, my butthole bashfulness disappeared.

The next day, I took to quizzing my friends over brunch about their own thoughts on ass eating, and discovered I wasn’t alone.

“I love it,” exclaimed one.

“Sex is all about the butt right now, guys are obsessed with it,” said another.

“I’m all for ANYTHING anal,” chimed in a third, holding up her mimosa in a toast.

"When the mood strikes, I’m definitely not averse to a little ass eating." (Image: Instagram)
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Apparently, I’d been late to the game. In fact, porn star Asa Akira declared “ass the new pussy” in an interview last year, and PornHub reported a 78 percent increase in searches for anal way back in its 2015 report. And that’s not just in reference to penetrative anal sex. A study published in the Journal of Sex Research stated 51 percent of men and 43 percent of women who’ve had anal sex have also participated “in oral-anal sex, manual-anal sex, or anal sex toy use.” In other words, once the ass is in play, we’re more likely to be open to all kinds of kinky shit.

And, it seems, like most sex trends, Sex & The City forecast the rise of butt play way back in 2001, long before Kim Kardashian posted her first belfie (butt selfie) – in an episode where Miranda gets her tush eaten by a guy the girls refer to as ‘Marathon Man’.

“I thought it was weird. It’s weird, right? I mean, are we doing this now?” Miranda asks the girls over lunch.

“If the guy’s willing, why not?” answers Samantha, before Charlotte unexpectedly chimes in, confessing, “Trey likes to do it.”

It might have taken modern culture a while to catch on, but ass eating has arguably become so mainstream, it really might just be the “new pussy,” as Akira declared. There’s even a new breed of sex toys dedicated specifically to the trend; remote-control butt plugs with rotating beads in the base designed to mimic the sensation of receiving a rim job.

And while my good friend Tom is now long gone, not so is the knowledge he imparted to me that night in the seemingly humble swirl of a tongue. I’m still a big fan of good old P in V sex, but when the mood strikes, I’m definitely not averse to a little ass eating.

Because once you go back, you never go back.

For more of Nadia’s sex and dating misadventures, follow her on Instagram @nadiabokody.

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