Shirley is a victim-survivor of child sexual abuse. 40 years later, she sat down with her abuser.

Content warning: This story includes descriptions of sexual assault and child sexual abuse that may be distressing to some readers.

Dr Shirley Jülich reflects on the word justice very often - and for good reason.

For over almost three decades, Dr Jülich has worked tirelessly within New Zealand's restorative justice community - intent on victim-survivors being given the respect, accountability and justice they deserve.

A restorative justice conference is an informal, facilitated meeting between a victim, offender, expert support facilitators and any other approved people, such as loved ones, community representatives or interpreters. The aim is to acknowledge the harm caused by the crime, restore offenders to law-abiding lives, and help victim-survivors emotionally heal.

Dr Jülich knows firsthand the impact of a restorative justice model for a victim-survivor. 

As a child, Dr Jülich was sexually abused by a family member. 

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She was regularly babysat by this family member - someone her parents trusted. It was later in her 40s that Dr Jülich told her parents what had happened - and it turns out her brother had also been sexually abused by the same family member. 

"When I think about how my parents handled it, I have nothing but admiration. My dad immediately called a meeting with everyone, including the victims, perpetrator and wider family members. We now all refer to it as 'the family confrontation conference'. It was, in essence, a restorative justice meeting - we spoke about what happened to us, the impact it had, and that we needed him to take accountability," she says.

"It was unbelievably healing, to be validated in front of my family, and for my parents to understand and say it was a terrible thing that happened. To sit in a room, hear the harm that it has caused, and for our family to vehemently oppose his behaviour - that's incredibly powerful for the offender to hear that."

What followed was legal action, pursued by Dr Jülich's brother, which was complicated and arduous. Shirley says the family member's legal team used the abuse of process defence, arguing the case was too old to proceed legally. 

The outcome of that was complicated for herself and her brother, and something Dr Jülich would prefer not to discuss. 

Experiencing the legal system from a victim-survivor's perspective, Dr Jülich notes it was a lengthy process that didn't leave her feeling as though justice had been achieved. 

"Reflecting on the family confrontation conference, the court case and the civil court, the one avenue that gave me what I would say was a sense of justice the most was the conference," she tells Mamamia. 

"The aims of restorative justice is to provide a safe forum where a victim-survivor can tell their story and hear the offender say they take responsibility for what they did."

Shirley at the age when the sexual abuse began. Image: Supplied.

Speaking with countless victim-survivors, Dr Jülich says that justice looks different for every individual.

For some, they see it as related to vindication - hearing important people in the victim-survivor's life censuring the person who caused the harm.

Others see justice as linked to accountability - wanting the offender to take responsibility for what they did and the harm it caused. And another aspect of justice is the victim-survivor simply wanting their story acknowledged. To be heard and validated. 

When it comes to accountability and being heard, it's these two factors that relate most to a restorative justice model, rather than the traditional legal model.

Throughout her career, Dr Jülich's passion for helping victim-survivors and improving the justice system has never waned. 

She was an early member of Te Oritenga, New Zealand's first community-based restorative justice provider group. And in 2001, she completed her doctoral thesis on restorative justice and child sexual abuse at Massey University. It was this research that inspired Project Restore. 

Project Restore was co-founded in 2005 by Dr Jülich, Kathryn McPhillips, Jennifer Annan, Fiona Landon.

They are New Zealand's national provider of restorative justice for harmful sexual behaviour and sexual violence. 

It often involves a conference/meeting where both parties - the victim-survivor and perpetrator - come together to address the harm that has been done. What the conference specifically involves varies case by case. An offender's participation is voluntary. But it's always brokered by specialists trained to mediate a conversation between both the perpetrator and the victim of a sexual assault.

"We have a large team now including support teams, survivor specialists for the victim-survivor, and accountability specialists for the offender," Dr Jülich explains.

"As for the process behind a conference, there's initially a lot of consultation among the specialists, including one-on-ones with both the victim-survivor and offender separately. From that point they assess how a conference between the two parties would work and how it can be done without harm. We also aim to have at least one support person with both the victim-survivor and the offender - this can include a friend or loved one - be present during the conference."

As for how people get in touch with Project Restore, most cases are through court and corrections referrals, and others are through community and self-referrals.

Dr Jülich says her whole career and work with Project Restore has been "incredibly cathartic".

And the response from those who have partaken in the restorative justice conference - both sides - have had overwhelmingly positive things to say about the experience.

Compared to Australia, New Zealand's restorative justice system is far more wide-ranging and accessible. It's led to Aussie experts in the field wondering whether we ought to look to our Trans-tasman neighbour for inspiration.

Dr Jülich tells Mamamia that she has colleagues in Australia who are interested in pursuing advocacy and research into this cause. So far, it appears that the ACT is leading the way in terms of national opportunities for restorative justice.

"When you speak to people who have endured sexual violence, many are looking for similar things. They want to tell their story and experience. And they want acknowledgment that what happened to them did actually happen, and that someone is taking responsibility for it," she says. 

"Justice is culturally bound and what you think about it depends on your own value structure or moral compass."

It's important to acknowledge that restorative justice isn't for everyone. And it's not a perfect fool-proof system. But to at least have another option on the cards available to victim-survivors - that's a win. 

Plus, many feel as though their voice isn't heard in the court system. It's through the restorative justice system that some are able to regain their voice. 

It's been 70 years since Dr Jülich was first sexually abused.

It's a trauma she will live with indefinitely. But she has strong support systems in place, and validation and acknowledged from loves ones - and that counts for a lot.

"Following on from my childhood, I went on to have some pretty violent relationships. When I met my now-husband, I was able to heal a lot. We've been married for nearly 40 years, and I credit him and my family with helping me recover."

Recently, Dr Jülich was made an Officer of the New Zealand Order of Merit for services to restorative justice and survivors of sexual abuse. It was a full circle moment for her.

"I really want people to know there is life after sexual violation. Yes, it's pretty awful, but help is available. I didn't want to let what happened destroy my life. And I found restorative justice to be a good mechanism for experiencing a sense of justice. I just hope all victim-survivors reach that point, in whatever capacity they prefer, as well."

You can visit Project Restore's website here. 

If this has raised any issues for you, or if you just feel like you need to speak to someone, please call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) – the national sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling service.

If this brings up any issues for you, contact Bravehearts, an organisation dedicated to the prevention and treatment of child sexual abuse, on 1800 272 831.

Feature Image: Supplied.