Editor’s note: This post references male genitalia. A lot.
Right now there’s a serious scientific phenomenon sweeping the world that’s leaving millions of female victims lying in its wake.
It’s… it’s… dick sand.
Like its cousin, quicksand, dick sand is a bottomless pit of sandy dicks (I presume) which sucks you in and the more you try to fight it, the erm… harder it gets?
If you have no idea what I’m talking about, you might be one of those unfortunate people who didn’t sit through 40-plus episodes of the UK reality dating show, Love Island, or see Rebel Wilson’s dick sand explanation in the movie How To Be Single.
Basically, dick sand happens when a woman meets a fella and she becomes obsessed with him. So obsessed with him, it’s bordering on crazy. He might be someone she’s dating, a crush, an ex or even a long-time lover – but she’s just all about that sandy dick.
Suddenly, nothing else matters but the sand and the bearer of the peen. She neglects other relationships, misses appointments and basically acts like a 14-year-old at a Bieber concert/Glenn Close’s character in Fatal Attraction.
Every woman in the world has either been a victim of dick sand herself or lost a friend to the sandy pit of pee pees at some point in her life.
The amount of time a woman can be stuck in the sand pit depends on her level of infatuation and whether anyone else comes along to save her/distract her.