By: Lisa Bahar for Divorced Moms
Hard to accept, but the reality is, the emotional affair partner was there for him and understood him in the way that he needed. All too often, she is someone who was is in contact with him on social media, in social circles, family circles, work circles, whatever the case. She filled the gap and was willing to be a part of your relationship knowing all too well the troubles he had with you.
Below are 7 examples of how men involved in an emotional affair may feel, what the affair provided them, the results attained and the missing link in the marriage that may have driven his need for an emotional affair.
1. What he felt: He felt inadequate and insecure and needed your praise of what he is doing right versus what he is doing wrong in the relationship.
What the emotional affair provided him: Emotional validation that he is good and adequate, she understood his frustrations with you. She most likely provided suggestions such as flowers, gifts, what to say or not say to help make things better in the marriage.
The result: He felt heard, understood and calmer, and he associated these good feelings to the EA.
The missing link in the marriage: Both spouses were unskilled in how to validate one another daily, despite the differences, being able to identify how you are both doing and being something positive in the relationship.
2. What he felt: He wanted sex and wasn’t sexually satisfied.
What the emotional affair provided him: She made him feel desired sexually and responded with flirting and innuendos and most likely gave him some ideas on how to please you.
The result: He felt more desired as a sexual partner and more attractive, most likely leading to working out and buying new clothing as well as trying to please his spouse, but, at the same time, thinking of her. He associates the other woman’s sexual openness to his need to be desired as a sex partner. He associates these feelings to her when he is with his spouse and confusion may occur leading to obsessiveness and need for more contact with his emotional affair partner.