A dad asks if he should tell his daughter's fiance he's dating a "diagnosed sociopath".

“My daughter received an antisocial personality disorder diagnosis at 18… but she has no plans to tell her boyfriend.”

A concerned dad has posted to Reddit with what users are calling one of the most difficult predicaments the community has ever seen.

And we have to agree with them.

For a lot of us, our dads have been known to help us out of many a sticky situation. They’re usually the ones we go to when we need a little life coaching.

But for this particular father, who seems as though he has a strong relationship with his 25-year-old daughter, it’s someone outside the family that may need his guidance – his daughter’s boyfriend.

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Posting to Reddit’s “Am I the a**hole” page, the man explained that his daughter is harbouring a “dark secret” from her boyfriend, and plans to keep it that way despite his advice.

The secret he’s referring to? His daughter is a “diagnosed sociopath”, with “disturbing” behavioural tendencies and a self-admitted deep lack of empathy. While she’s been managing her condition with clear improvements for many years with the support of her family, the father is tossing up whether to tell the boyfriend himself – especially as he suspects he’s about to propose.


The dad adds he has a close relationship with his daughter’s partner, and believes he has a right to know.

“I’m the dad of a 25-year-old young woman who I love very much. I’ve been able to have a good relationship with my daughter and I enjoy my time with her, but there’s one thing about her that would give many people pause – she is a diagnosed sociopath,” he began.

Speaking about the years before her diagnosis, he said she had displayed “odd, disturbing behaviour at a young age”. He recalled a “serious incident of abuse towards her younger sister” as being the catalyst for seeking professional help for his daughter, but that the concerning behaviour in her formative years was relentless.

“Throughout her elementary years she struggled heavily, getting in lots of trouble in school for lying, cruelty and all other types of misbehaviour. With an enormous amount of therapy and support, her bad behaviour was minimised as she grew older. She received an antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) diagnosis at 18, and I had suspected it for long prior,” he wrote.

Now, he says, displays of “disturbing behaviour” seem to be in the past, and she’s grown into a successful young woman.

But he still worries about her lack of empathy and what that might mean for those close to her.


“She currently has a boyfriend of about a year and a half who’s crazy about her, and who I have a very strong relationship with. He is a great guy, very kind, funny and intelligent… but I doubt she loves him,” he wrote.

“My daughter and I have had some very honest, in-depth discussions about her mental health since her diagnosis, and she’s been open with me that she doesn’t feel love or empathy towards anyone, even family.”

Psychopath expert and author, David Gillespie, shares how to spot a psychopath and how to deal with one. (Post continues below.)

As an example of her lack of empathy, the dad shared that after one of his daughter’s close friend’s had died, she said she felt “pretty neutral” about it and confessed to him she was pretending to be sad at her funeral.

“While she acted very sad and broken up over the death of one of her closest friends at the funeral, she confessed to me privately that it was all a put-on,” he said.

“She has also stated she has never once felt guilty about anything she’s ever done, and doesn’t know what guilt feels like.”

Her boyfriend has no idea about her diagnosis, and she has no plans to ever divulge it. As her father says, she’s worried it will “scare him off”.

With all this in mind, the father concluded by asking the community whether he was an a**hole for wanting to reveal his daughter’s secret to her boyfriend behind her back.

“I’m not trying to sabotage my daughter’s future. Maybe her boyfriend’s love of her personality and other aspects is enough that it won’t end the relationship. It’s his decision to make; but he deserves all the facts. Someday he’s bound to find out she’s a bit ‘off’; it can’t be kept a secret forever.”


It’s… a lot.

And the responses reflected just how difficult a decision the father has ahead of him.

While Reddit all seemed to agree that no, he was certainly not the a**hole, whether he should go through with the revelation couldn’t seem to be answered.

“Wow. That’s the hardest AITA I’ve read in a long time,” one said.

“You’re ethically compromised either way. It’s probably best you stay out of it.”

Another added to the conversation, pointing out the possibility of it ruining both the father-daughter relationship and the romantic one.

“I think the guy needs to know, deserves to know, but what if it does destroy the relationship? I can’t imagine what it could mean for OP to have his sociopath daughter be very angry at him,” they said.

“Damn OP, I’m so sorry. NTA (not the a**hole), but I don’t know if you should follow through with telling him or not.”

While one simple added:

“This is the craziest ‘Am I the A**hole’ I’ve ever read.”


What do you think the dad should do? Let us know in the comments.