28 thoughts we've all had during a Brazilian wax (and try very hard not to say out loud).

Image: You’ll make faces like this, probably (via HBO).

Ahh yes, the Brazilian wax; it’s a uniquely torturous experience.

Having your pubes ripped from their cosy follicle homes by a friendly woman holding a wax-covered spatula, all the while making chit-chat and pretending you’re not screaming on the inside — good times all ’round.

RELATED: “I was vajazzled against my will.”

Here are 28 things every woman silently thinks during her appointment:

1. “This is going to be great. Straight after we’re done here, I’m going to buy ALL of the high-cut bikinis. I’m going the full Pamela Anderson.”

2. “Hey, while I’m at it, I might even get vajazzled! #YOLO! …Actually, no, there’s no way that’s happening.”

3. “Um, what does she mean by ‘get ready’, exactly? Do I just take my pants off? Or is this an ‘everything from the waist down’ situation? I mean, that seems logical… but what if I’m not meant to take off my undies? Will I be escorted out of the building by security guards for indecent exposure?”

4. “Feet together, knees apart… eeek. Just pretend everything’s normal. What’s a little pants-off action between a lady and her beautician, hey?” (Post continues after gallery.)

5. “Hmmm. Am I… am I ‘clean enough’ down there? How do other customers prepare for these things? Was I supposed to trim it back?”

6. “I wonder how many vaginas this woman has seen in her career? It’d be kind of weird if I bumped into her in a cafe or something next week…”

7. “Will my vagina be particularly memorable? I kind of hope so….”

RELATED: “I’m a Brazilian waxer and women ask me this question every single day.”


8. “Okay, wow, this is really happening. We’re talking about the weather while I lie here spread-eagled, like it ain’t no thing.”

9. “I wonder how humankind discovered the hair-removal powers of wax. Did some Roman woman accidentally tip a candle onto her lady parts and yank out her hair?”

10. “Ooph, I haven’t had this much below-the-belt action since my last relationship ended. Eight months ago.” (Post continues after video.)

11. “This wax actually feels really nice. It’s so warm. Do other people get this much enjoyment out of hot wax?”

12. “Is this worth it? It better be worth it.”

13. “Hey, this isn’t too ba… OH GOD OOWWWWWWWW!”

RELATED: “That time I accidentally got a Brazilian wax.”

14. “Don’t cry. Don’t cry. You’re a big girl now, and Fergie says big girls don’t cry. She’s so wise.”

15. “I hope she didn’t notice the tear that just rolled out of my left eye… look, I’ll just blame it on the light.”


16. "Don't fart. Please don't fart."

17. "FAARRRRK. That rip hurt even more than the first... isn't it meant to get easier the more it goes along?! Everyone said it would get easier! Why would they lie to me? WHY?"

18. "No, really, that hurt. So, so much. Do I have any skin left? I'm scared to ask. I don't want her to feel bad."

RELATED: 5 things every Brazilian waxer wishes you'd stop doing."


19. "One side down. One to go. Is it too late to back out? Can I get a half-refund? I can totally deal with being half-bald down there. It's probably some cool underground hipster pube trend right now. I can pull it off."

20. "Hold up... am I due for my period soon? When did I have it last? Shit — what if I get my period on the table?"

21. "Aaaaaand now my knees are up to my chest. Goodbye, dignity."

22. "I hope she doesn't ask me if I want 'the back' done. Do I have to turn around for that? Is it an all-fours situation? I'm not sure I'm ready for that level of intimacy..."

23. "WHEN WILL THIS END? How can someone so lovely cause me so much pain? I can't believe I willingly submitted myself to this..."

24. "Oh... it's over? Phew. That was torture. Oh, okay, she's just got to do some tidying up with the tweezers. That's cool, I do that all the time and it doesn't really hurt..."

25. "Um... ouch? Why does nobody warn you about the tweezers? This might actually be worse than the wax and that is saying something."

RELATED: "The story of my first - and worst - Brazilian wax."

26. "Thank God I'm doing this for myself. I would kill anyone who expected me to suffer through that for their personal enjoyment."

27. "Alone again. I can hear my beautician talking to her colleagues... are they talking about me? Did I squirm too much?"

28. "I'm scared to look. My skin is burning. Am I going to resemble a plucked chicken? I'm not sure I actually want my partner to see that tonight..."

What are you thinking during a wax?