Someone's decided that My Little Pony needed a Bratz-style makeover. Someone is an idiot.


So, My Little Pony have taken a new direction in their production of plastic equestrians.

They’ve gone from producing these little cuties:

To producing these, slightly less little, substantially less cute… things:

They’re called Equestria Girls, which is what we’re going to teach a generation of girls to call half-horse, half-humans.

Which is a shame, because we already have a word for a horse/human. They’re called centaurs. And centaurs don’t wear adorable interchangeable skirts that you can buy from a toy store near you for $9.99.

Plus, you know, they actually look a little bit like horses.

But, even if we accept that the obvious biological differences between these Equestria Girls and your traditional centaur occurred as a result of the genetic mutation that one must assume makes the pigmentation of My Little Ponies turn the rather un-horselike colours of pastel pink and baby blue, there are bigger issues at play.

Here are a few:


1) The toys are still marketed at little girls, even though the story lines associated with them are much better suited to teenagers. This is from iVillage Australia:

The charming little ponies trot through a magical mirror and become (the horror!) teenagers, in high school. They have to deal with mean girls, crushes on boys and how to eat in the school cafeteria.

2) The toys are part of a bizarre trend in the sexualisation of lines of dolls. They fit into that canon of playthings that includes Bratz, Moxie and Monster High.

Now, we’re not gonna stand up on our soapbox and slut shame a pony. But seriously mares, if you want to play with 6-year-olds, you should at least be wearing a skirt that covers the whole of your (totally hypothetical because, to be honest, your plastic anatomy is rather dubious) arse cheeks.

Unfortunately, this bizarre trend is pretty damn lucrative. The Equestria Girls have already had a feature film, that was released across Canada and the US. If you have a strong stomach, you can read through the Wikipedia synopsis. (The plot features both an end-of-year school formal, and someone being transformed into a dog. Right…)

3) Horses have four legs and no arms. So, anatomically speaking, this is all very misleading. Just sayin’.

So, what do you think of Equestria Girls?

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