Let’s get straight down to business. I would love to give you an intro paragraph and talk about a funny experience I had with the little one but… Ain’t nobody got time fo’ dat. Little Mister Screamo is ACTUALLY asleep in the daytime (Hallelujah, praise the Lord!) and I want to write this piece before he wakes up and screams for titties like it’s the apocalypse.
Nips the size of a planet
One fine day, either during or post pregnancy you will walk into the bathroom to take a shower and check yourself out in the mirror only to realise that your once voluptuous, succulent, lovely pink-tinged little nips have morphed into gargantuan target-like objects.
That titillating pink tinge? Gone. I can only dare to call this new transformation “dark matter”.
I got bad news for you – they’re here to stay.
You don’t know sleep deprivation. No really, you don’t
Until you’ve had a baby. Symptoms resemble mental illness, dementia, incoherent speech, drooling, unresponsiveness, and in severe cases, falling asleep standing or in mid-conversation with your mother-in-law.
I know this has been expressed a gazillion times and it’s cliché, but it really needs to be articulated for that one extra millionth time. This isn’t that time you were too lazy to study for your exams and stayed up cramming for three nights, or that time you attended a three day music festival and were coming down from a cocktail of drugs.
That shit ain’t shit.
The sleep deprivation you are forced to endure with a baby is like cramming for exams with no sleep whilst simultaneously attending a music festival 365 days of the year and then going on a high and coming down again NON-STOP FOREVER. Well, at least it seems like forever.