There are no prizes for guessing people do some pretty silly things when they’ve had too much to drink. I’ve been working as an emergency and trauma nurse for the best part of five years and it’s fair to say that in this line of work I have seen my fair share of outrageous behaviour.
The job ranges from heartbreaking to hilarious in the blink of an eye and though it can be life and death there are also a whole range of stories out there that give you no choice but to laugh (or else we’d all just cry).
So here’s a collection of my stories and the stories of my colleagues regarding patients who’ve had a bit too much to drink.
1. The drunk bridesmaid.
“I had a lady in her 30s admitted in her bridesmaids dress. She got completely trashed at her sister’s wedding. She kept waking up intermittently asking if her make up still looked all right and then was eventually snoring with vomit down the front of her dress. It was very classy.”
2. The gate crasher.
“We once had a guy who tried to break into a concert and fell through the roof. He broke his leg and was covered head to toe in glitter when he arrived in the ambulance.”
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3. He just really loved his goat.
“We once had a guy a bring his pet goat into the Emergency Department. He’d had far too much to drink and had dropped a glass bottle of something on the ground and was worried his goat had stepped on it.”
4. The Announcer.
“We once had a guy come in, completely off his chops, demanding more pain killers. We were advised by medical staff not to give him any because he was already quite intoxicated and tried to do everything we could to calm him down. The next minute we turn around and he’s grabbed he P.A. system that broadcasts over the whole Emergency Department and is calling out, ‘Can someone please bring some strong pain killers to cubicle 22’. His announcement was actually very polite and he was so well spoken! He probably should have had a career in radio.”
5. Table dancer.
“Having someone fall off a table after a few too many isn’t that uncommon but I felt so sorry for this one girl in particular because she was a backpacker who was due to fly home that morning. She was certainly set on going out with a bang because she fell off a bar bench, fractured two of her vertebrae and was stuck in the country recovering for two months.”
(Image via iStock.)
6. Came in after having "wild sex".
"A girl came in after having one too many and had fallen over and fractured her arm. After quizzing her as to why it took so long for her to present to hospital she finally admitted she’d been busy having 'wild sex' with her partner and wanted to, 'finish up there', before she came into the ED."
7. The chick magnet.
"We had a man come in with his head stuck in the door of a chicken coup. He had come home after a hefty session at the pub and according to his partner, decided he had to go and kiss every one of their six chickens goodnight before he could get to sleep. He ended up getting his head stuck in the chicken coup's door frame and managed to cut around the outside to get himself free before making his way down to the hospital to get the rest removed."