Last week, a curious user took to Reddit to ask the question; “Reddit, what weird habit does your significant other have that you don’t want to ask them about?”
You see, one of life’s most important lessons is as follows:
Everyone is f**king weird.
Brad Pitt = weird. Image via Getty.
The only thing standing between you and your partner's weirdness is time. You can only hide your weirdest habits for so long before BOOM: your boyfriend knows you eat Weet-Bix dry and lay around in your towel for four hours after having a shower.
But there is comfort in solidarity. Know that everyone is struggling to understand why their partner is a complete nutcase. Here are some of our favourite examples from Reddit, with a few crowdsourced from our very own office:
1. Wind issues
"Getting in a bad mood because of the wind... even when he is inside. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME."
2. Other wind issues...
"Screaming and farting in their sleep."
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3. News hound
"He tears little pieces of newspaper off and chews them. I'm not certain if he swallows then. Sometimes when I read the paper he'll ask for 'a taste'."
"My partner gnashes his teeth in his sleep and I swear one day I will kill him for it."
5. Truly eye-opening
"If it's dark enough she sleeps with her eyes open. I have woken up too many times to her staring at me and then me screaming and waking her up."
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6. Socks appeal
"She likes to walk around the house with one sock on and one sock off."
7. Butter me up
"Adds peanut butter to everything. Peanut butter, bacon, cream cheese bagel? Why not. Peanut butter pasta? Sure. Peanut butter egg? Easy."
"Having to fall asleep watching an episode of Seinfeld or Frasier every single night."
9. Musical chairs
"My girlfriend has a habit of singing on the toilet. Like, even when she wakes up in the middle of the night to use it. No idea why. Not sure I want to know."
10. The flush of love
"Every time my husband pees, he flushes the toilet mid-pee in an attempt to 'race' the flush. It's fucking weird, and I've never asked him why he does it."
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"My ex was superstitious about coins on the ground/floor. If they weren't heads up, he wouldn't pick them up. Even indoors. His bedroom was littered with them."
12. The naked truth
"When my boyfriend comes home from work, since it's so hot these days, he gets undressed immediately. Then, he goes and lays on the bed and just starts playing with the skin on his balls, sniffing his fingers periodically, for a good 30 minutes before hopping into the shower."
13. Blame it on the booger
"She picks her nose and eats it, but I don't really care because she rubs my feet."
Our conclusion? Alain de Botton hit the mark when he suggested that rather than trying to present the best version of ourselves, we should ask one another on the first date: "And, how are you crazy?"
Because every single one of us is batshit crazy.
Any weird habits to share?
Featured image: Focus Features